Navex with pixs Galore

It's been a looooooooooooooong week.

Schedule of SOC, Navex, SOC and SEOC is a lil too hectic for me.

My shoulders are still in recovery mode & my legs are battered to its' brittle bones.

Will be resting (aka sleeping) for the remainder of my pathethic weekend.

A recap of the whole entire week first.

CRAP LOADS OF PHOTOS FOR YOUR VOEYURISTIC PLEASURE ........

Last Tuesday n Wednesday, there was an uncontrolled navigation exercise where we had to explore the depths of the jungles of Mandai & Marsilling.

I was grouped with the bunch of fellow cadets who are going to Artiliery.

Yay!

I'm really glad that I get to go to a new place with some of my best pals, especially Terence & Alvin.

Detail 13 - Future Arty Troopers

Back on track to the Navex, it was really shagedelic but fun.

Scenic shot - looks like we're at the Mekong river

Checkpoint Charlie - Frigging hard to find

My OCS buddies that kept me going throughout - HamHam & OnOn

Terence & Me

The full load on the shoulders was no joke. Getting lost and finding your way out was frustrating but it was a test of mental resilience and the urge to tear the hair out of the navigator who is leading the pack.

We got lost loads of time & only thru luck & chance did we oriented ourselves to the check-points.

The first exercise was EASY PEASY though we holland-ed and too shagged out. 75% completion but I was still satisfied nonetheless.

The 2nd exerise was held during the night. Moving around in the dark is eerie and espcially if you were me, who was at the back of the pack with TH, you feel like something is creeping on you.

Eerie.

But we conquered the night !!!

Random friendly ghost trying to scare wandering cadets

Our detail was the first to reach the end point. Go Arty bombers !

The final exercise in day 2 was 'siong'.

I didn't know Mandai/Macritchie area was so large and sparse.

Being the basher/forward man, I ate up uncountable number of spider webs and stumbled onto many potholes.

It took us 4 hours to reach the first checkpoint.

I was famished by the time I got there

The frigging MGR was wrong & the sun did us in. Fatigue brought us to new levels of just sitting by the murky stream and watch the mudskippers skip.

The second checkpoint was a godsend.

We have declared ourselves lost and dead tired.

Engery-less and no motivation to push on, Terence, Tian Hai & Michael's casual trip to the toilet turned out no so casual after all.

They found the 2nd checkpoint !!!!! Just by peeing at the right tree.

Advice to future navigators : Sometimes unzipping and aiming ur dick head to a general direction will make you find your way to certain things it wants to find.

2nd Checkpoint - Blowing the Moon

Wen Yao & Me - Garang navigators to the end of the earth

Glad it was all over when the horizon greyed and it was time to ship off to proper civilization.

It's only cool when you survive the ordeal

Shagged out & waiting for the lift to heaven

Thursday was Chemical Defence and I kinda chao keng.

The last time I wore the gas mask, no less than 10 mins later, all my mucus flowed freely and overflowed to the point where it become mucusy-drool.

Thank the heavens I don't have a pic of that.

Since I have to be a sai kang warrior, I had to go anyway. Some pixs:

Me & KS - Self-proclaimed Yan Dao Kia

Forcing KS to say I was the ORIGINAL Yan Dao Kia

Standard attire of officer cadets for dining out

Met James there, fellow SISPEC Echo warrior. Hoo Hah!

The closest I got to 'wearing' the gas mask

Even more bo liao /misc pictures in camp:

Auditioning as the next stripper for the new casino opening

Muscleman Wee & Me - I feel puny in his prescene

HardCore Colin & Me being goofy

Me wearing peak cap - Commissioning date: Oct 1st

Gay Ho (Ex Spade buddy), Me & HardCore Colin

Francis & Moi - Excursion to Bukit Chendu

Got my pay last week and splurge on a frameless specs that I've been eyeing for MONTHS.

Mr Fong aka best fren should know since he beat me to the punch, I've been wanting to look like an intellectual and getting the specs would give me that look at the very least.

If I'm not an intellectual being, at least god damn hell I look like one the very least. :P

Intellectual jailbird mugshot

Designer specs that comes with a dent in my wallet

Hope you enjoyed these photos, it was the most I could get before I'm leaving them soon for Artiliery.

Photosnappyhappy,
Benjamin

Back after the Break

This blog entry is long overdue.

I haven't blog for the past fortnight as I was too exhausted after all that exertions at camp.

FYI, I got appointed as a CPC, cadet platoon commander.

It's tough being a CPC, people look to you for directions and instructions and sometimes, I'm just simply clueless.

And I have to foresee what's upcoming and assure them (and myself) by second-guessing or making assumptions for now.

Being the CPC has its perks, since you arrow people to do sai kang.

I co-ordinate and maintain composure, and I guess I'm getting into the swing of the vine, accounting for strength and disseminating information.

Besides my upgrade of 'role' momentarily, I've survived countless field camps.

I've gone outfield so much that I can estimate one gallon of my blood being donated to those pesky mosquitoes and lifesuckers.

Glad to say I've survived through all the key events w/o dropping out !

I've 1.5 more weeks to go till the end of Service Term 2 and I can't help looking forward to the end of my tenure as CPC and the fact that .....

I'm getting out of SAFTI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!

No more expensive cab rides to the western horizon of Singapore.

FYI again, I have 99% confirmation that I'm getting a new vocation.

Yes, I'm gonna be an Artillery officer cadet in training.

That means no more chiong sua i.e. fire movement or digging trenches the size of basketball courts ANYMORE.

Countdown of 2 weeks and I can't wait for a new beginning honestly.

Reason why is that I just cannot form close bonds with the people in my platoon save for a few.

The guys in my platoon have formed such tight cliques that it's hard for me fit myself into the jigsaw.

Who knows, maybe I have a flaw in my personality that makes people snort about me behind my back.

Oh well.... what can I do about it.

At least my good pals Terence & Alvin is joining the new revolution of the artillery front with me.

I'm only hoping for 2 things:

1)More weekends to myself
2)More nights to devote to intellectual pursuits i.e. reading

People would say I chao keng and choosing the easy route out.

Honestly, all I just want is the 2 above because I believe I have done my part and contributed enuff to the organization as it is.

I feel that I deserve the needed respite if it comes in the form of another format and who knows, Artillery might be even more siong.

I'm just placing a gamble by choosing to go to a support arms wing where I really have no clue how tough the training regime is.

Hope for the best and closing my eyes for the worst.

On a look at the sphere of my personal life now, I feel that I've starting to lose ground with them.

Will call them up next for a catch-up session.

Also on the reality TV front, which I'm updating myself on Bittorrent files:

Survivor Palau: I admire Steph's strong guts and determination for pulling thru all 8 elimination legs. I really want her to win !!!!

And I foresee plotting and backstabbing ahead. Drama for me to absorb, my cup of tea.

Amazing Race 7: The brothers got eliminated. Damnnit. They are such a funky duo and it is such a pity. Not that I'm anti-foggies, but it's high time Meredith & Gretchen get eliminated, I cannot foresee them in the final 3.

American Idol: If I had to choose the winner, it would def be Nadia Turner. She has style, spunk and soul. Don't think she'll win as she's placed in the bottom 3 for the last 2eps. I want Constantine & Bo to be out, and yes I'm anti-rockers.

I've yet to catch up on my Desperate Housewives, The OC and Alias, and btw, I'm booking in on Monday.

Whoopie, a well-deserved rest.

Signing out,
CPC Benji

Spade, Shop n Shots

(Long photoblog.... I'm feelin' generous)

Some quibs of the happening of lil ol' me for the past few days or so:

In Army:

Went through Exercise Spade, which means dig a hole to bury 6 adults and then cover it up. Lame useless way of exerting unneccessary energy.

3 days straight with 3 hours of indecent sleep. I know. It's inhumane.

Out of Army:

Immediately after bookout, went home, changed and went to play mahjong at my bro's place.

Call me a maniac, but I didn't felt all that shagged considering the amount of winks I had.

I plonked out eventually at approx 4am to be awakened comfortable by a snugly blanket (ah heaven!) at 12 pm.

Lazed around the entire day with Xbox and PS2 before heading home at 11pm at nite to build more sandcastles.

Saturday (Today)

Tore myself out of bed to wash my dirty Army stuff which is sandy and gritty.

My SBO needed rescue and had to dismantle the whole damn bra.

Met up with Gareth, Jason, Chun Kiat, Farid and Daniel for lunch over at Far East.

Basically plonk ourselves on a window shopping tour for penniless peeps where we wandered from the North to South of Orchard.

Dispersing at Orchard Point, and later at Marina, I went on a shopping spree.

Alone.

Sue me.

I had to.

Too much money in the bank is no good for health.

Quoted by me. Copyrighted by me. Authenticated by me.

I went to buy more books ! Not that I will read it immediately due to lack of time.

I have amassed a great amount of books ever since I entered OCS, which is rather impressive considering I would NEVER buy books.

I try to convince myself the need for literay indulgence is due to the supressive need to whitewash out weekday activities of mundane conformity (aka stupidity).

I've suceeded so far.

A view of what my brain has been feeding or about to feed itself so far.

I'm ready to start my 2nd hand bookstore

Small note: My Dan Brown collection has been passed onto the endless links of the human chain.

Also note that I've yet to start reading books which I borrowed from Gwen, the mini 'Tuesdays with Morrie' which I heard is quite heart-felt and the Gargantulan book that inspired the book 'Lord of The Rings'.

In addition for my brain feeding activites, I've also stepped sideways to drop down the pothole of un-neccessity shopping.

Yes, it's called shopping for yourself (aka or your wants).

First off, I bought something which I needed.

A wallet. Because my old wallet's coin pouch had a large hole where coins keep plonking themselves out due to Mr Gravity.

As I was too lazy to stitch, I got a replacement.

Yes they are the same but I adore this range of wallets

Now the things that I wanted but not needed but still bought-ed (added the -ed becoz it had a nice ring to it-ed.)

You can go ahead and say it. Sigh and exclaim:

"Benjamin is such a shopping sucker who will drop his pants for anything he desires. You know the look especially when his eyes are glazed like sugary doughnuts and his knees are wobbly.'

Anyway, I got a pendant.

Straight as an arrow, sacrasm to the core

I needed to accessorize. And besides my sparkling sunnies & armband (yes, I ripped it from Benjamin Bratt from the TV series 'The OC'), I was basically naked.

BTW, I bought these 2 ^^^ long time ago okay .... and yes, I'm vain

Not naked per se but just felt empty and I needed more 'voice'.

I swear I can visualize images of people puking right now.

And inside my shopping cart too was a shirt from Topman.

Yes, I'm going thru this 'Grunge Intellectual Funky Punk' look right now. Have a current crave on white/black basic arty farty tees.

I'm a punk wannabe with the soul of a bookworm

Speaking of fashion, this month is having Singapore's Fashion Festival.

As a tribute of respect to the organizers, I have done what most Singaporeans wouldn't normally do at this time of day or even any time at all.

I arranged my wardrobe. Yessire.

From collar polos to jerseys, beach shorts to jeans and from shirts to tees.

My Pop bought me that Arsenal jersey thru a fren from London. How thoughtful!

An accomplishment of my own right. Call me lunatic. I'm organized. Sue me.

Oh since I was like in town the whole day, I kept bumping into people from various pasts of my life.

Finally met up with a long lost pal Yuen Keong whom I used to be closed to. So weird to see how far we have drifted apart from the awkwardness of our short convo.

All in all, it has been an awesome day for me.

I was bored during TAR7 rerun on AXN.

Muffled on the buzz of life,
Benjamin

Forte

Procrastination is my forte.

Military assignments are not even started yet.

Permanant ink words of 'I'm Screwed' are scribbled on my forehead.

Dead n shot,
Ben

Room-style

I find it peculiar how I lead my current lifestyle.

I'm a monochronatic obeying neat soldier by weekday and a ruffled-up straggler washed-up bedfellow by weekend.

It's like living in 2 extreme spectrums.

I seriously wonder how I do it.

My army bunk is kept in utmost pristine manner where dust cease to exist but my room is piled up with junk food, novels stacked anoynomously and random trinkets rattled everywhere from desk to floor.

Neat freak : Sloppy Hobo

Weird I tell ya, the days of my life.

Okay, I'm gonna whip my skinny arse back into shape and make my room more, um, like a room.

Gonna head out for a tan later with Gwen, not that I need to look any darker than now.

Life's full of irony,
Benjamin

Pyschology

Lately, my interest in pyschology has risen to newer heights.

I'm probing more on how people fear, think or react especially when I see some of my comrades making a silly mistake under pressure or when they override that wave.

My shopping weekend got me buying a textbook about pyschology.

I know. Who the hell buys textbooks when they don't need it?

I believe I got kinda hooked onto thrillers and mysteries and most of them fiddle onto the plot of the pyschic of the murderers or the victim.

Guess I'm a victim of pyschic exploration for now.

Just to note, I've read two fantastic novels

The Suspect by Michael Robotham & The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason

Money well spent I must say, only intellectual stimulation I can get while being placed in the regimental grinder.

Oh and speaking of which, I have two 'homework' of 'military planning' which I have to complete and I'm procrastinating it.

My thesis would be about procrastination if I ever want a permanant head damage.

Lately, I've been exploring my ownself too.

What type of individual I am and how I've grown up to be.

I'm an autonomous person with my own set of rules to lead my life. I don't set to achieve my benchmark of success on anybody's hopes except mine.

Which is to do well in terms of financial success and self-actualization need to be the best in my field.

Nobody tells me what to do, nobody tells me what I can do, but I will play around the boundaries and push them to the limits where explorable.

It's good to have some self-reflection of where I am once in a while.

Advertising vs Pyschology,
Hmmmmmmm

Freedom

The taste of freedom is a pint of Cookies n Cream Ice Cream from Swensens over Survivor on a Friday night without a care of how late I can sleep later.

Heaven.

Payday

Payday was due.

Hence, very busy. Shopping.

Have to rush back to camp now.

My mood is a damn satisfied shopper with grin as wide as the chesire cat.

Gotta go, will blog next week,
Benjamin

Thanxs 4 the support

Been spending the whole day slacking and writing the compulsory army journal.

Have to fill up the missing days with PR-filled crap about how I spent my day.

Anyway, this is just a short blog entry before I go off for my family dinner.

Anybody wanna go to a US-university seminar for prospective students?

A N Y O N E ?

I just wanna go take a look tommorrow at the rough costs involved and the cirriculum there.

I know the seminar cum exhibition is for 'A' level students held at Pan Pacific Hotel tommorrow at 11am onwards and I'm just a diploma holder.

I'm gonna be there early to scour for whatever tidbits of a uni student's lifestyle if I was ever to lead one.

There is a slight hint of possibility that I could end up there for a more developed education in terms of knowledge intensity if I choose to dig deep into my parents' CPF but have to pay them back much more when I work.

Anyway, for those who left a comment, responded or replied to me like Tiffi, Ivan and blog readers, a big thank you for yall.

Thanks for being a comforting ear or your piece of advice, it helps somewhat knowing that I have some support out there.

I will carry on despite the hardship.

I was on the brink of failure when I considered opting out.

Let's hope I never cross that line. Ever.

Sanguine and upbeat for now,
Benji

Breaking Down

Never in this world would I expect myself to meltdown.

But it has officially happened.

I just broke down mentally and just cried my tears out.

I guess there is a lot of stress that has been knotting up inside me and the only avenue of expression is either through telling my friends or blogging about it.

And it seems that isn't the solution as I still ended up breaking down.

Last Sunday, I was so stressed up doing my assignment of "Ops order" that when the printer failed to print, I blew up at my mother who was rushing me to eat my dinner.

To really sum up all the stress I'm feeling, I just poured out all to my father who was gracious enough to change his plans and fetch me to camp as I was rushing for time.

I never had such a heartfelt connection with my Dad before and I felt it was my first time being mano oh mano.

My father asked me to pull strong as I dried my tears, knowing that it was a week of suffering that I had to endure again.

On Monday morning (aka 4 am), there was a turnout which was physically strenuous.

I could take it physically.

But mentally inside, I was reflecting how bad a person I have changed through the days since I entered OCS.

Before I entered the stressed world of officer cadet training, I felt very happy-go lucky, had a sense of humour and feel that my shoulders were rather light and fluffy.

After about 2 months inside, I feel I have changed to another human being, totally devoid of my old 'self', the original 'Ben'- sacarstic, humourous and light-headed.

And I hated what I became and how I flared at my mom and I broke down again.

This time, in front of two strangers, my Platoon commander and section commander.

Least to say, it's a first for the books of Benjamin and I shared my problems with them.

They gave me comforting words and after intaking what they have to say, which was good advice btw, I decided to give it a try.

Cut more slack for myself, suck thumb and just endure the whole course.

One of the reasons why I'm staying is because both of them say I was one of the few better ones in the current batch.

Strong motivation there for me. Need to maintain and persevere.

So end decision, just 'endure' and 'loosen' up more.

Loosen up becoz I've turned into a virtual hermit, devoid of human laughter so I do need to blend in and mix around more.

That said, I'm not embarrassed to post about how I mentally broke down and cried.

I believe crying allows the relief of whatever tension that has been stored inside and it is a form of expression.

Apparently, keeping it all in was not a 'good' thing becoz I cracked and was very depressed and acted 'abnormally'.

So fuck off if you said I am a sissy or some emotional biatch that finally ranted thru tears.

Wow.

Sounds like I'm a deeply troubled person ay ? lol.

Anyway, the last few days damn shagged. Little sleep esp at field camp and this evening SOC is shaggedelic.

Holding a 10 kg Gun for 2 whole days on my shoulders and smelling like a sweaty hog isn't that comforting.

Time to catch up with the family this Saturday.

God only knows when I have decent time with them.

Until then,
Benjamin

Is it worth it?

I've been questioning myself lately.

Is what I'm doing now going to worthwhile much later?

Training as an officer cadet is real tough.

I'm not going to mince my words because the thoughts of me been placed through the grinder every day, in and out is very taxing.

This week's training schedule is sucking the soul out of me.

The physical training and mental tests we are placed under.

Surviving with 5 hours of sleep, trying to keep awake at countless lectures, absorbing military information and getting tested on it and not to mention various PT activities to keep our bodies under duress.

It's a torture rack I tell ya.

I ask myself. Is it worthwhile?

Do I really need to put myself under all that training?

I can just be a man and listen to orders and have no responsibility at all.

First of all, I don't need to prove myself that I can lead. I have leadership qualities, I know that myself, just maybe not in the military context of leading.

Second, I don't have any intentions of signing on or continuing my career in the civil service, so why work so hard?

Lastly, I don't need to curb my ego to climb up the ladder of ranks. I'm happy no matter where I am. I don't need to prove myself.

So the question still lies, why work so hard for something you don't want?

I question that myself alot during training admist all the 'waiting'.

I don't have any time for "me" and I have to put myself to be engrossed with army.

Like my 5.5 days is already engrossed with military stuff and I still have to busy myself with assignments (which btw I have yet to complete) during the weekends and STUDY for what's upcoming.

Sigh. My mind is really ablur.

Some part of me wants to see the whole entire 8 months throught but another part of me keeps bugging me.

"Is it all worth it?"

Meeting my SISPEC buddies yesterday for a bbq and each of them fresh with a new posting, I've been pondering if I could have been them.

Much more carefree and happy-go-lucky than what I used to be now.

Miserable.

I feel more like a wreck now. I have pushed myself to my limits by enduring every phsycial activity without falling out.

Tommorrow is field camp and it is going to be 'breaking point'. I estimate it is either 'break' or 'make'for me.

Since my inception to OCS, I hardly enjoy humour anymore and I don't have the luxury of relaxation.

It's always rush to do this, complete that, finish that up, some chores to do.

I know to some, the answer is simply either you quit or you just suck thumb and endure the whole process.

For me, I'm searching for some rationalizing motivation for me to push on.

Somebody slap my senses.

Okay, enough of my inner thoughts for the WEEK.

Yesterday was letting my hair loose a lil.

Meeting up with Jason x 2, Gareth, Kelvin, Kenny, Farid and Daniel was damn good.

Seeing their spirits so carefree is enlightening to my poor soul.

The BBQ was amazing. Me the experimentalist tried to bbq some roti prata.

I know. BBQ Roti Prata ?

Oh, and I played SOME mahjong last night. It was SO GOOD.

Say it again. SO GOOD. SO GOOD. SO GOOD.

So nice to use my brain for recreation for once.

Well, I'm gonna be late for my meetup with Eric n Ivan. Better log off now.

See you in a week's time.

In the meantime, you might find me in the obituaries if ya feel lucky.

Dead man walking,
Benjamin

Post-BBQ hysteria

Well-trained army signallers

Addicted

Been bumming around the last 24 hours or so.

Booked out on Friday afternoon to attend the offical end of Service Term 1.

A social night as in a mini prom without too much extravagance was held to 'commerate' a landmark for cadets.

And who did I ask for my female companion if one was to ask?

My dear friend Wendy, who made that event all so not boring for me.

Frankly speaking, if not for her, I would be rolling my eyes at the lull of entertainment that was provided.

Well, what can you expect from events given the constraints of not being too wild and imaginative. At least it was not held at the cadets' mess.

We practically chatted throughout the event and playing a guessing Yes/No game to wil away time.

Have to admit though, the live band at Hard Rock Cafe was fantastic. Kudos to the lady singers.

Went to watch a midnight movie titled 'Closer'. Anything with Julia Roberts has my $8.50 for sure.

Plot was intringuing but puts you off track when you see the flurry of falling in/out of love between Natalie Portman, Jude Law, Julia and Clive Owen.

Note: It is also worth $8.50 to see Natalie in skimpy bikini outfit

Be also forewarned you might not catch the plot of inter-human r/s where they kiss/make-up/break-up.

My Saturday was well spend on my lappie, soaking up on 8 episodes of The OC, American idol 4 and Survivor:Pulau.

According to my calculations, that's like 10 hours of useless data being reviewed by moi.

I so need television programs like breathing for my weekends or I will cease to exist.

Fine, label me as lazy fat arse couch potatoe but I'm happy the way I am.

Not only that, I've also been reorganizing lost photos from outer space (aka memory cards) to my photos collection and backing them up in case it ever gets lost to outer space again (i.e. memory hard disk crash).

Enjoy the photos.

TV addict,
Benjamin

Terence, Alvin and Me - Depressed SISPEC departees

Ben n Zen - Nice ring to it huh?

HRC - I was smirking with Wendy how wasted my $95 went down the drain

Looking all so couple-y

My Preppy Harvard Law student look

The Big V

(A dozen of photos to bio...)
Yes, it's valentine's day.

A day to reflect how miserable I am in the dating scene.

And according to Maslow's Hierachy of Needs, my affiliation needs are not met so I can go bonkers and get stuck at this level forever.

Oh, disclaimer. My wing commander allow all of us to book out to celebrate valentine's day.

I'm just celebrating mine with a laptop. Nothing new.

But to return to the issue of loveless me, it can't be helped I guess.

Not to sound so forlorn but I don't think I'm great boyfriend material.

I have average looks with no time due to army commitment. My weekends will be spent at cinemas with me sleeping over your shoulder and I have slowly morphed to a miser.

Great boyfriend material ?

Oh phooey.

But honestly speaking, I'm keeping my eyes wide open.

I'm not finding the "one" or much less finding someone who I can just flirt around with.

Maybe it is nice just to find somebody who just likes being in the comfort of my arms and we just acknowledge and slowly pass time one another in ones' embrace with the sands of time passing slowly at the back of our heads.....

Okay. Somebody slap me. I'm daydreaming.

Is it that hard to find a companion?

I've assessed my situation. All the good ones are taken.

There are a few left where chemistry have no inkling of bubbling (with me that is).

Maybe I'm just un-combustible with certain kind of people.

I'm pretty friendly. I don't bite unless you bite me first and I don't sweaty armpits.

What more can a girl want lol?

Okay. I'm poking senseless fun at myself on my blog and I'm just babbling with hysteria from loneliness on V day.

Argh.

Hate expensive flowers at this time of the season,
Benjamin

P.S. Farewell Clara n June, best of luck for your studies in Oz

P.S.S. Random photos from my camera which I downsized becoz me having horrible V day and nothing to do except 'fiddle' & 'fondle' with me laptop...

The Best Section I'll ever have in Army !!! SISPEC - With Pride We Lead


34th SISPEC Echo Elites Platoon 1 Section 4


JZ & Moi - Best buddy I ever had for 6 weeks


Charlie & Me - 2 hours before crossover news- oblivious to torture abound


Mahjong buds - You still owe me $$$$ lol - This is a public notice


The Diva & Me


We're not letting go until someone tells us this is not a gigantic dildo!!!


Yes, I have a very big mouth


I had a lip ulcer from opening my big mouth


Me & JM at Starbucks


The Kissy Cushy Cousins - Faith, Daphne & Moi


Charlie (the chihuahua) seems beligerent to be included in this snapshot

Burst of energy

The fantasy had to end somehow.

The 6 day reprieve has been more than rejuvenating for me.

In about a few hours, I'd have to check-in to Motel Madness and least to say, I wish I had more time out.

In these 6 days, I've been sleeping, munching and slouching.

Simply sinful.

Oh, I've also gotten word about my future.

Yes, life after army, as my uncle was discussing with me what were my future plans, he gave a rough layout on expenses and what I should look out for.

Plans are not concrete now but he gave me a yellow brick road that I can look far ahead and imagine what lies beyond.

In addition to that, I said earlier about a well-deserved trip overseas, it will be with a dear friend of mine to backpack in a rather costly country.

Plans are not so concrete as of yet but the promise we made to one another, for me it's as good as gold.

With such fluid plans in my head, it would make my life so much interesting to pass when I'm in the army.

I can think of the 'what ifs' and the 'how much' while falling in and waiting there like a dumb mule at attention position.

For those in the army would know the phrase 'Wait to rush, rush to wait' very well.

These 6 days injected life into me and for that, I thank the calendar gods.

I don't look forward to the day I commission anymore. I look further.

ORD. 2006.

If only I can push forward time.

Benjamin

Post Mortem: CNY

Chinese New Year ain't what it used to be anymore.

When I was young (Read: Before 20), I used to cavort the distribution of red packets.

Now, it feels like a lil pang of guilt now that you are earning a decent pay pocket.

Now that I'm saying the military is paying me enuff, it is NEVER enuff.

2.5 years of psychological torture at the peak of my lifetime (Read: Youth) isn't what I would like but since I'm born Singaporean .... oh well .....

Chinese New Year is somewhat different to me somehow.

Read: I never engorge myself with new year cookies

Until this year. That is.

I have offically finish 3 tubs of cookies and counting.

I love those with peanuts on them and make sure it is buttery and sugary.

I'm 58kg. I'm underweight for a lanky frame.

Sue me.

I'm really putting on the pounds. So that I have more to cut before I turn to sticks and bones.

And I'm procrastinating on what I have to do for my assignments due for OCS.

I have to finsh 1 of them tonight at the very least.

I have stave all the cookie tubs away (at least my mom did) and have ban myself from the computer after I've blog.

I've downloaded so much Desperate Housewives, Alias, Amazing Race and American Idol that I've procrastinated too much on doing my assignments.

What can I say?

Peanuty cookies go well with a laidback arse on a fluffy cushion and wonderful entertainment.

Oh before I forget, I got alot of photos stored inside my camera from random events.

I'm gonna post them before I book in on Sunday. I hope.

And to end off, I've been thinking about this a long time.

A well-deserved holiday when I ORD.

ORD: Offically Ready to Depart from Hellhole

Since you really cannot go overseas for a long period of time when you're in the army, when I ORD I wanna go explore somewhere.

So I have a fund which I'm already starting to accumulate.

Note: I already have another bank account for this sole purpose.

Now that I have CNY hongbao $$$ with nowhere to spend (except for a pair of frameless glasses; not that I need it NOW anyway), I can start saving everytime I get an allowance from you-know-where.

So 2006, tentatively, get out of this country and go backpack.

Sound idea for a spirited soul.

Benjamin

P.S. New seasons of Amazing Race and Survivor is showing soon. I am so going to love TV so much this year. Go to my newly updated reality links if yall r interested.

Simply fabulous

I had such fabulous fun tonight.

Went down to Zouk and as many would critic how Mambo night would be ALWAYS the same genre of music, it still got me grooving no matter what.

Reached there at 9pm to get my early chop to avoid late night queues and then proceeded back from Mac at Great World at around 11pm plus, Zouk was BRIMMING with peeps.

Lots of cute gals. My eyes had a buffet spread for this CNY.

Music started out a lil dull n crappy but the most irritating part was the CROWD.

No shuffle space for your elbows much less viewing angle at the crowd, I was either randomly elbowing people while jigging around.

I was a lil amazed at myself though becoz I lasted the whole night dancing.

Music was FANTASTIC after midnight and I got a lil' high.

Had great company too with my SISPEC buddies of Gareth, Jason K, Jason T and Dan. Met up with Zhiwei n Eric there too.

In between all the brouhaha of retro music and heads throbbing, I saw/experienced a few 'firsts'.

- Eric flatly turned down a blatant ONS offer
- Gareth went off early with a transexual (Note: He was tipsy and was warned)
- Jason T the intellectual was partying
- I was oddly interested in a few (2) transexuals dancing on the platform

To sum it all up, I had a great time catching up and letting my hair loose with you guys. I love SISPEC !!!

Oh, I've yet to sleep but I'm still brimming with energy.

Must be all the CNY cookies I packed up at my granduncle's house.

I can't help myself !!!!

Watta day for me. Simply fabulous fun.

Delirious,
Benjamin

Mind Frenzy

What can I honestly blog about?

I lead an army life that really shags me out.

Red pock marks from unidentified creatures on a creaking back and a swirling mind, I can honestly say, there isn't much to shout hoo-hah here in OCS.

First off, the wing that I'm in is rather tough or what most people say, "siong".

It is not the physical pain that one is placed under the torture rack but it is rather the mental strain that one is under duress.

Everyone there is always in a frenzy meeting instructors' expectations and the near impossible timing.

So many things to do with so little time. My admin (free) time is reduced to barely umm.... 10 seconds before I have to doze off.

In OCS, there is always something to do or prepare for the next day. I can never sleep with a peaceful mind without any worries for tommorrow.

That say, OCS is a challenge and since I'm 'catapulted' into this obstacle, I will do my best to overcome it.

Another worth mentionable fact is that the people that I have grown to know there are of 2 majority of cliques.

They are either the proud pricks or the anal retentive.

Seriously, because some of us (me included) are crossover from SISPEC, I kinda feel ostracized and left out in conversations or when tasks are distributed out to the platoon.

Call me paranoid but it doesn't only happen to me but the rest of the other 'crossovers' or aptly named 'new birds'.

I guess I cannot blame them because they (the old birds) have been clustered together and they feel comfortable with one another already and for us to intrude is like an intrusion to normalcy.

That said, please do not quote me that I am trying to generalize or sterotype all of them as pricks or anal arseholes.

There are a few good people there but there are some that are just .....

The best phrase to put it in a politically correct manner is ....

"In SISPEC, you 'garang'. In OCS, you 'wayang'."

I have 8 more months ahead, I hope to know them better and I will give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not what I perceive them to be.

I just feel a better sense of brotherhood and easiness among my SISPEC friends.

It just feels a little tense, as though it is like a 9 month competition where everyone has to outperform one another.

For one, I would like to state my intentions to complete my course unscratched and unscathed.

I am happy the way I am.

I don't feel less of a man if I don't get my officer rank.

A human being sets their own expectations. If you set yourself based on others' expectations, you will soon falter as you cannot please EVERYONE.

That said too, I have become very reserved as I felt I couldn't be myself there in OCS with so many eyes on me warning me that freedom of expression in the form of my lame jokes and quirkiness is frowned upon.

On another note, my laptop hard disk crashed.

F U C K. I really don't know what happened but the seriousness of the matter settled in what I noticed two major facts.

1) All photos have went 'poof'
2) Along with all my design programs

Sob sob. Least to say I'm pissed.

2 years and 4 months. That's how long it lasted for moi.

I have since then replaced my hard disk and I have a brand new interface that I'm still adjusting myself too.

I lost all my programs, my links and how I placed and organized my wonderful files.

All gone with the wind now. Sad. Grrr....

Note to self:
I SHALL NOW DO A MONTHLY BACKUP TO AN EXTERNAL HDD FOR ALL IMPORTANT FILES.

I have downloaded/bought/re-installed loads of programs to replace my loss.

Dreamweaver, Photoshop CS, ICQ, MSN, Yahoo Messenger, Kazaa, BitComet, Exeem, Office XP, Skype, iTunes and Mozilla Firefox.

The above are the basic neccessities I need to survive in the internet world.

Without the above, I will suffocate at my keyboard with my fingers trembling and scraching the keyboard.

Oh, before I forget.

IF ANYBODY HAS ANY PHOTOS THAT HAS ME INSIDE, please send them to my email or sent it to me thru MSN.

I BEG YA. (on my knees....)

To end off a typical boring post of what I have become that is not the cheerful sacarstic me anymore ....

I have assignments to do (from army, DUH!, where else).

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone though, althought it won't be all that "Happy" for me.

So much work to do, so little time,
Officer Cadet Trainee Benjamin

Checklist

It's a matter of too many things to do and so little time.

I got to settle some of my civillian stuff and assignments from OCS.

The thought of me being in OCS isn't that scary as I adjusted to the style of OCS.

Can't really fathom the thought of me leading a platoon for now. It's me feeling a bit unprepared and a lil dizzy at the same time.

Anyway, I'm just jotting down a checklist the stuff I have to do before book in.

It'll serve as a reminder for moi and for ya readers to see how time will not wait for my tide to drown me in a tsunami.

~ wash my uniforms and underwear
~ go to Beach road to sew name tags on new uniform
~ do my written assignment for OCS
~ flatten my beret
~ go bunk shopping (get air freshener, shaver blades among other things)
~ get white singlet for book outs (YAY! shopping)
~ fill in life insurance application form (compulsory for officers)
~ write & decorate my OCT journal (have to backdate)
~ read my novels I got from TIMES
~ watch downloaded season of 'Desperate Housewives' (Think 10 x 1hr episodes)
~ watch downloaded American Idol 4 & Amazing Race (Think 3 more hrs)
~ blog a proper entry with photos of my official first & last outing with my SISPEC section
~ do my field pack 9 ziploc bags labels
~ plan how am I gonna organize the above into 1 day

If only a day consists 78 hours, sigh,
Benjamin

Selection

How the fuck I got selected for OCS ?

I really don't know.

There are peeps in my bunk who desire more than me.

But I got selected instead and I'm fucking scared.

I'm physically weak as compared to those gold standard buff officer cadets.

I'm scared I will break down and just die. Seriously. Honestly.

I feel shittily scared from the horror stories I hear from Alex, Ivan and Eric.

I dunno what to expect. Argh!

Confused.
Benjamin.

Tweaks

Just a lil snippet of info of what mini horrors I did in my morning.

I couldn't sleep as my body alarm startled me that I should already be exercising now.

The strange marvels of what regimental armylife can do to ya.

So I couldn't fall back to sleep.

Thus, I updated the pictures on my blog & re-arranged a few links.

Scroll down the right sidebar.

I feel a wee bit accomplished.

Bah! The sun is rising and it's glaring straight into my eyes.

I think I should head back to my fluffy sheets with air-con at full blast.

So nice being a civilian for these few hours,
Benjamin

P.S. Note that photos are so much of how I look like now i.e. old and dumbo-like

Mind the bookworm

Let me first declare that I'm a shopping whore.

Someone bitch-slap me. SERIOUSLY.

Within like few hours, I've like spent another 100 bucks and considering that is 25% of what I earned in a month, I'm like so pathetic.

I purchased a wireless IR headset, a novel at Kino and 'Kung Fu Hustle' vcd.

And a buffet meal at Siam Kitchen. I REALLY REALLY need to cut off my fingers.

Shopaholic woes aside, I met up with Ivan, Kumar, Poh & Alex (& his gf joined us).

The best thing that Army gave to me was this best bunch of buddies.

We had lunch and chatted about our rueful existence in the armed forces.

I still think they are the best brudders that I can ever find. The BMT days are still the BEST.

Your friendly Hooters Bouncer trainees


Annual General Dorks Meeting


Lemon Puff Boys back together (Ivan still reluctant to smile)


Me n the Officer who will soar in a few years


My twin - Same birthdate, tooth n signature


A matter of you figuring out who signed what

Had a jolly good time in all catching up. See ya guys in a few months time.

Can't wait to hear updates. It's rather interesting to see how all of us space out into different vocations, each with a story waiting to unfold.

On interesting news about me (or not so interesting after you're gonna read what I wrote) is that I'm declaring myself a .....

BOOKWORMBOOKWORMBOOKWORM

I really dunno what has gotten into me but after digesting all the Dan Brown books, my mind is wandering off to satisfy its crave.

Somehow, my mind is subconsciously wanting me to read about anthropology, consumerism and psychology.

Off I went buying books & novels and come to think about it, it ain't that awful since I'm feeding my mind with information about the human mind.

I'm seriously considering applying membership to one of the various bookstores, Kinokuniya or Times. Borders is a no no.

I can imagine how much I'll safe in due time if I can pay 10-15% less for every purchase considering the amount of books I 'consume'.

I can basically read 1 Dan Brown novel in less than a day. I'm fast. =)

And to answer some of lifes' question of my future career, it has wound down to a multiple-choice question.

A. Business - Advertising
B. Banking & Finance
C. Law
D. Social science - anthropology, consumerism, pyschology

My Answer: ( ? )

It occured to me that I can fill up my university application in the upcoming few months and if time allows, I will then slowly evaluate all my pros and cons.

Too much distractions for now as Army engulfes moi.

Reading & shopping soothes my nerves.

I already can visualize leading a bachelor's life filled with thought-provoking books, a good laptop to do e-shopping (for clothes) and a fridge stored with chocolates.

Ah, the power of the mind.

Your yuppie-pyscho-analytical-shopaholic-crazed-guru,
Benjamin

P.S. MSN messenger shut down on me suddenly at about 11 pm +, I apologize to those who were adruptly shocked at how I ended all convos. It wasn't me. It was Bill Gates who pushed the button.

Shopping is my stress relief

Boo Ya!

I'm out of my fortnight imprisonment and into the daylight.

I kena guard duty on Hari Raya Haji for a minor dismeanour and coming out today can only be described as:

SHIOKKKKKKKKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With that off my chest, many things have occured to me for the past odd 14 days or so.

A sneaky rat entered my cupboard and munch on some of my rations.

I was a little freaked out (read: Hertzberg theory on hygiene factors) that I couldn't gather my thoughts straight even though it was lights off and loads off stuff needs to be organized before field camp.

And then there was the chiong sua where camo was on and it was time to roughen my testicles.

Slight encounters with the supernatural (which was eventually my mind playing tricks on silly ol' me) and the wild (2 wild boars penetrated the perimeters of my section's camp site).

And then, there were some odd disscussions with somebody where I'm perceived to be something I'm not. Not going into details about that as of now.

Then some confidence obstacle course which the company underwent to boost our courage (yeah right) but most of us end up in rope burn misery and bruised balls and blue blacks.

Followed by the un-highly anticipated 'happy hour' BBQ nite which turned out to be a lull sham as um, nothing happened at all. Except for the long queues clambering for lamb chops.

Followed by the spa-retreat cum guard duty where I was able to relieve myself with a schedule of 4 hrs sleep & 2 hrs zombie walk.

I thought a lot and thought a lot more about anything and everything. Like what lies ahead after BSLC, army and university and what was my CNY shopping list. Futuristic bimbo stuff in short.

All in all, that was a summarized version of the turn of events that chalked my 2 weeks.

The next 12 hours out from that dreadful island, I became an advocator to the joys of shopping.

The wonders of passing on your bling bling to some random person over the counter to get something you desire is rather HEART-STOPPING.

But it is a little HEART-WRENCHING as the notes in your wallet wilt down to a few crisp purple notes.

In half a day, I've achieved my heart's desire of getting what I want (NOTE: NOT WHAT I NEED) for Chinese New Year stuff.

I'm suffering from backache now from all that fast paced shoving and walking down the streets.

Frankly speaking, I would have purchased more if I had the finances to.

- Quiksilver red/white/black boardshorts
- Flesh Imp denim jacket
- Topman green/brown striped polo tee
- Rip Curl slippers
- Rip Curl leather wallet
- Guess light blue tee (on visual display)
- Levi's Type 1 jeans
- Loads of Antropology/ Social science books

Okay, I may sound like a spendthrift but these are the things I so wanted to grab off the shelves but I practiced self-restraint. = )

I need to save up some moolah for my university days.

Argh, the trial and tribulations of shopping for what one needs and what one really wants.

I have to attest that shopping have relieved the built-up stress that antagonized me in the last two weeks. Whoopie !

- Benjamin

Self-discovery

I have this rather unique approach of thinking and I apply it to whatever I do.

"Use the pessismist to find the optimist in me"

Whenever I'm handling a task that seems tedious or mind racking, I always like to tell myself that I will falter eventually.

But upon due completion of task, I will gain in morale and postivity to strive even harder.

i.e. My final year project presentation finals where I keep depressing my hopes of making it to 1st or 2nd place due to lack of manpower and I was essentially a 1-man show doing the backstage work.

The eventual result of my team not clinching last place was satisfying. An overwhelming relief of achievement, I must say.

Hence, people around me doing the task gets very easily demoralized due to me.

Like how I whined a little of putting on camouflage and going to the jungles to 'chiong sua'. I get an adrenalin rush upon completion when I get back to the bunk and wash off my camo.

It just alarms me that I have this school of thought.

I don't think much people adopt this method of thinking whenever they are doing their stuff but I guess it helps that I acknowledge this is the way I work.

Oh well, thoughts of the week that've been buzzing me.

Intensive training has begun to fit in the schedule and as compared to what I went thru in BMTC, SISPEC is like 10 times more 'garang' and 'siong'.

Sadly, I'll be confined for the next 2 weeks so when I book in tommorrow (or later tonight if you are so anal on timing), I gotta bring loads of food & self-entertainment (i.e. porn magazines and blow-up dolls as such).

Another discovery that I've made besides my pessy/opti school of thought is that I'm becoming more anal as I age.

I'm more attentive to details, more fussy on timing and more belligerent to anybody that irks me.

I just have to bitch about this but I have this bunkmate who asks REALLY dumb questions.

"Why is my cock so itchy?"

"Have you ever wonder why is there so much pubic hair at the urinals?"

I'm really okay with him and such, as I know everyone is different. I'm eccentric in my own ways and I acknowledge the fact that he's eccentric too but it came to a point when he chipped my shoulder.

Scenario: Lunch at the cookhouse
I just sat at table with my fruit on half the plate that I eat my lunch on.

Stupid Qn Pal (SQP): Why is your fruit on your plate?
Me : (Just continued munching my atrocious lunch, ignoring his qn)
SQP : Why you so funny one ah ?

SQP made that comment with the other 5 people that sat on the table that he just insinuated me of being funny with my food. That IRKED me.

I rebarked.

Me: Well, you do a lot of funny things and I don't comment on them.
SQP: You make a lot of comments too. I was just asking a question.
Me: (continued munching my atrocious lunch, ignoring him, again)

I guess you wouldn't know about the scenario unless I can give you some background info.

SQP is an eccentric person, wears only his underwear to polish his boots, sings songs that irritate me to the core & he sings them non-stop and he asks dozens of DUMB questions.

Okay fine, I'm mean. Eccentric person he is I guess and I accept a person no matter what 'unique' personalities they have.

My relationship with him rather okay, tipped neutrally on the teeter tatter scale.

Oh and another discovery.

I have this innate ability to make people hate me for me.

Whenever I get to know strangers, I always try to to build a bond with them to breach the awkwardness and know them more as friends.

When that bridge is established, out comes the crappy sacarstic Ben.

I will suan them as the days of knowing them gets longer. Seriously, I believe my past life was either a lime plant or an old hag that is deluded with life.

I have officially irritated my Sgt to the point where he openly asks me to shut up in front of 40 over people , as if to sense that I was gonna speak up even though I was tight-lipped.

Sigh, the journey of painful self-discovery continues.

See ya in a fortnight,
Benjamin

P.S. Thru reading my blog, you can see how I apply the pyscho Pessy-Opti outlook on meself. I gripe about SISPEC but now, I'm starting to see the light from the end of the tunnel. Yippee!

Post Mortem

What can I say about the newly ravaged 2005?

The weather is friggin' cold and it does not bode well for my outfield training.

I'll be freezing in my parka and mud will be splayed all over my boots.

Some bible-waver calls this Tsunami the first awakening or one of the 10 (or 11) signs that Armaeggedon would be approaching.

I guess for me to convert would take 2 more signs before I wake up early in the morning to patronize the Holy Trinity.

After today, my weekends will be practically burned.

Schedule is packed like hell and me ain't gonna have decent civillian time anymore.

Boo Hoo! I guess my sunday will be spent lounging around at home.

Lately, I've been burning my brain cells trying to think. Alot.

One of those thoughts strayed to what I would do prior after NS and before Uni.

During that interval, I've given some thought of me backpacking.

Not to quip my desire to visit some third world country and "empathize" their suffering but rather, just some time for meself.

Some sort of "flag" for independence I guess for meself.

Oh well, just a thought for now, I guess I'll make some of my thoughts into concrete when my expiry date for slavery is over.

Can't wait for that day,
Benjamin

Photos at Kel's house where I played with his birdies (pun intended).

Now that's what you call a birdbrain



My first kiss of 2005



The very gorgeous looking & obedient cockatoo

Shagged

I'm like SO tired.

Booking out early today entitles to also harsh training in the morning, as a token of appreciation what sores and blisters to wave goodbye 2004.

I'm starting to feel that I have a labourer's hands where my palms are like cracked heels and my arms are so veiny.

Yesterday, it was a navigation orientation around a large plot of land.

Least to say, I was upset to only find half of the checkpoints as I pride myself as having an in-built compass for my right brain.

But a pat on the back for my bunk buddies who endured the entire journey in wet boots and agonizing weather. We did well.

ANYWAY - BORING ARMY TALK ASIDE ...

It's the last day of 2004. Boo.

And I don't feel any remorse of the past 365 days of re-living it anyway differently.

Quite a lot of pleasant memories and some sad, have passed me by.

Mdd8, Graduation, Army, Work in an Ad agency, Falling in & out of love (when? you may ask...).

I guess looking back at it, everything like, falls into place. Of how I've grown or matured from the experiences.

I feel a gush of warmth just rekindling these thoughts.

So nice.

Okay, it's me being a fuzzy wuzzy bear. Punch me in the guts will ya.

I also noticed the fact that I did NOT travel out of the country this year.

And I also have heard the awful news of the Tsunami diaster. Yikes.

What an awful way to end the year. Heartfelt condolences to those whose lives were deeply affected by the impact.

To end off the year, I guess everyone has a resolution to make.

Refer to what I blogged last year. It will be the same every single year for me.

If you are too dumb arse lazy to click, I'll write it out here in html text.

"Live life to the fullest", "Cest la' vie" & "Carpe diem".

I apologize at using cliche phrases for my resolutions. It's so not me.

Ironic: I wore the exact same shirt for book out today and for the 2004 countdown party. Freaky.

I wonder where I should head tonight to celebrate the birth of the upcoming 2005.

Predictions of what I will be like in 2005:

I guess I will be more boring (servitude to the nation duh...), I guess I will seal up my heart even more (I'm becoming jaded...) and I guess the world doesn't look so that much optimistic for me before like it used to be (the pain of growing older...).

Sad, hopeful but still remaining a cynic for '05,
Benjamin

P.S. Customary Happy New Year to everyone who reads this blogs or knows me. May it remain happy for ya throughout the months. =o)

Merry X'mas

(((Note: Long pent-up entry for the last fortnight or so)))

I should have blogged last week but I was swept on the tornado of weekend madness of expending whatever freedom I had.

Last weekend was filled with catching with friends and I have photos !

Me looking like a faggot celebrity besides Wendy



There ain't no sun to use my shades



Pink is "in"



The 3 MJ-teers



DMC groupies ! Till Film do us cut !

As I recall from last week, I had an amazing time with the conversations over my codfish pasta. Lame jokes ruled the table.

We then proceeded to a nearby lounge to carry out our silver plate of conversations over large pints of smooth German beer.

I couldn't finish mine, it was like freakin' 2 litres although I had a plenty fine share of lychee martinis from the gals.

Heck the alcohol content, martini rocks. I still can't fathom the idea on why guys like the bitter stuff that goes inside beer.

Seriously. Bitter doesn't go well down the throat. PERIOD.

With my half-dazed mood, the lot of us transferred over to my house for a rather half-sober game of light-hearted mahjong.

Fast forward to today, on what is probably the most celebrated event of the entire world.

Merry X'mas everyone and Bless your wallets

My bank account is freakingly shrinking due to presents and I'm almost down to the state of beggar-hood for every December at the rate of "generosity".

Coupled with the fact that I have mutated into a movie buff has scared me shitless.

"The World has no Thieves" , "Ocean's 12" & "Kung Fu Hustle"

Meeting the Fockers are next on my list and I'm not suprised if I'm watching it tommorrow.

And to think that about 1 years plus ago, I was strongly advocating not wasting 8 bucks on a 2 hour show of just sitting there while getting fat on popcorn.

Oh phooey. How times have evolved. I still love popcorn nontheless.

Sue me. Oh make me fat, butter popcorn.

Movies are part of my sanity now, to distance myself from the regimental life which influences my weekdays. Weekends are now for the theatres. And no qualms about spending $8.50 although I don't mind my friends treating me to some (BIG HINT).

That aside, I guess I'm having a bittersweet time in army. Training is tough but I guess I aspire to endure BSLC, overcome ASLC and end up in BMTC as an instructor.

If things really DO go my way, I can only hope for the above route.

Oh before I forget, 1 fantastic present I got from my best friend is the last 2 books of the Dan Brown collection.

"Angels & Demons" is simply marvellous and just plain good literature for the soul.

Christmas Day is derived to celebate the birth of Jesus Christ but the real month which JC was born was in March. December 25th is actually the day to worship the Sun God of the natural progression of seasons from autumn to summer.

Weird huh?

The things that we put our faith in. Hmmmm.....

I say: "Always a believer, never a follower"

In addition, my brain nucleus have been slowly reflecting on what I want to do.

Reading Dan Brown books have caught my interest in religious studies although I will ALWAYS remain non-devouted to any faith.

As said, I will only align myself to a faith if I strongly feel drawn to the strength of its followings.

But back to what I want to do in my life, some self-reflection has evolved.

I ain't somebody who will work miniscule jobs. I wanna climb up high.

I ain't somebody who will fulfill my existence by climbing mountains and doing extreme sports. I enjoy my sanctity of a well-preserved skeletal frame when I die.

I ain't somebody who will be satisfied with a job with no challenges. I wanna do something I'm interested in and puts me on the "ball".

Whether I be in advertising, law, banking or even stockbroking, that enigma remains unclear for now.

It is currently in a constant flux of debate bouncing off the hollows of my skull.

Sigh. At a point of making life decisions and I can't even decide which gravel path I shall set myself to.

I'm such a doofus.

Life is not boring. It is what I will make out of it.

- Benjamin

P.S. A X'mas present isn't something you give to somebody with the intentions of borrowing it when the receiver of the gift is done with it. Tsk tsk JM.

Going crazy

It's amazing to find out how slack I really have been in BMTC.

Training in SISPEC is real tough.

Morning jogs and exercise is enough to tire out my wreary skeleton and coupled with more physical exertions, it's a killer.

Not to mention after lunch lectures where your heads tend to doze off to sleep and you're struggling to keep your attention to the lessons.

On the bright side of things, I love me bunkmates.

I reckon they are a cool bunch of peeps which would work together in the field where we would be shagged and cannot think straight.

That said, I guess I'm gonna have a tough but fun time just to get the rank of corporal.

Enuff military mentionings, I'm gonna do some slight christmas wandering around town with peeps to get enough of civilisation that have been lacking in my gut lately.

Then, I'll be meeting my DMC mateys. Yay! So long never see them liao, at least can see them before Christmas would be good.

Oh, I can finally have a hairstyle. But it ain't much longer but it would do some justice for my shadow when I see it where I can see some form of a head at least.

Wahahaha. Okay I'm going mad from Jungle Fever.

Crazy liao,
Benjamin

Wishlist(s)

This could possibly be my last entry before I enter SISPEC.

Training will be siong, nights will be agonizing and rest breaks will be minimal.

But have I regretted the decision that I tick I wanna go to a commanding school.

Nope.

I believed since the initial stages of BMT, I already had set heart to be someone who will lead.

Reason being: I ain't someone who can just laze around and slack, I'm pretty hands on and won't stop working even if it is for a mundane reason.

Serving the nation for 2 complusory years is mundane enough.

Looking at some of my lazy bunkmates and their posting, I'm just sniggering at their just desserts I guess for not wanting to do "work".

At least I'll be doing something useful, exposing myself to more jungle warfare skills and interacting with wide doe-eyed new recruits when they enter the military.

That said, I'm feeling upbeat and pumped for the next phase. It ain't gonna be easy from the hearsay of rumours but I just need to grit my teeth and hold on.

The dinner meet-up with some of my army buddies yesterday was MISERABLE.

Someone who had owed me a treat didn't come, another guy was stuck at the causeway and 2 other had plans.

I'm like HELLO ! This is probably the last time you see us all together due to seperate journeys we are about to embark.

This morning was filled up with my ziploc-ing everything and tieing loose ends of the SBO with black tape. I zonked out after that because I had a runny nose and kept sleeping till now.

I didn't know sleeping was so blissful as I kept waking up and then with my tired brain coaxing me to sleep, I fell into dreamworld again.

That said, I dream that my national enlistment will be over soon and I get out to the world and earn some moolah!

I have SO MANY items I want to buy, Christmas has empowered my wallet to new heights now as I close my eyes to pay the cashier whenever I make a purchase.

I made up a Fantasy Christmas Wish List for the fun of it so here goes:

Ranked from top to bottom in no particular order:

1) A Ferrari Modena along with a driver's licence

2) An adorable Beagle puppy

3) Jeans from G-Star

4) Sony 42 inch Plasma TV

5) A new condo plonked right in the centre of Singapore aka Orchard

6) An expense-prepaid trip Around the World journey in First Class

7) A lifetime membership to all the Gyms in Singapore

8) A sailboat (wait who am I kidding, I want a Cruise liner)

9) Calvin Klein underwear & A wardrobe of suits from CK

10) A movie pass that will entitled me to watch all the movies alone in the cinema (except friends n family) till I die

Like I said, it is a FANTASY wishlist and that said the REALITY wishlist of the above would be.

1) A Ferrari Modena toy model car build to scale 1:200

2) An email with loads of cute Beagle photos

3) Jeans from Bossini

4) A Toshiba 14" Black/White TV

5) Free condominium showflat tours

6) A trip Around the World journey in our very own Singapore Science Centre

7) A SAFRA gym membership

8) A trip to East Coast Park to paddle canoes

9) Cheap pasar malam boxers and burgers from BK

10) GV Gold pass which entitles you to 10 free movies

That said, middle class aspirations will stay status quo. They will always be aspirations.

However, I do have an affordable wishlist and I shall shamelessly list it here anyway.

1) A new pair of Adidas sneakers

2) A TV for my bedroom

3) An extremly great looking frameless spectacles

4) Aviator shades !

5) A few good books to read

6) A nice pair of sandals

7) Nokia 6260

8) The entire collection of Get Fuzzy! comics

9) Freedom

10) A free get out of NS pass, No Pass Go, Get out of Confinement card

I didn't know making a list would be so much fun ! Note that I didn't put I want an iPod because I seriously don't see what is the hoo hah over a mp3 player.

Lately, music has been seriously detached from my life, but I rather have any of the things listed here than an iPod or whatever Creative has.

So I bid adieu to everyone and hope to see everyone for Christmas when I book out.

Yipeee!
Benjamin

Stupendous

I got my posting and I'm heading to SISPEC !

Yes me is going to be trained to be a Sargeant. Training will be shiong so for the 6 months or so, I apologize for the dissappearance from the blogging world.

Rumours foretold to me that people there book out REAL late and have to book in REAL early, there will not be sufficient rest for the trainees and basically, be prepared for training in hell. Chiong SUA in jungles EVERYDAY.

I guess I have to take it a step at a time. I'm really looking forward to torture.

That said. My morning was filled with me doing dirty work.

Cleaning my army SBO, boots and helmet. After the posting news broke out, it seem I automatically became a robot and just synchronize my actions to pack my stuff in preparation for the coming day to SISPEC.

With a message left on my blog from my ex-colleage, Michy, I dashed out of the door for lunch.

She's like my bitchy partner at work. Although we have different roles, I enjoy having lunch with her because conversation topics would stray from absurdness to bizzaro.

We like to pick on one another's fault and then talk office politics. She's like the best friend that I don't talk very often due to different lifestyles.

Anyway, I went back to my old advertising agency to meet up with Michy and bump into my bosses and other colleagues.

General comment: Ben is a skinny skeleton that has just come out from the oven.

Sigh.

Anyway, Michy and me then had a very long lunch as we talk about the happenings of what happened at the Agency while I was away and the unhappening things in our lives.

Photos of when I was in the Agency : (when I had hair...)


My colleagues then. The lunch bunch gang.


Yes, I know what you buggers have to say. Michy and me look like an endearing couple.

But behind hidden that still frame of photo, our sharp claws were itching to dig one another eyeballs out. Haha! We should meet up more often, Michelle. = )

So after lunch. I headed to the depths of the shopping jungle.

That's right. I fell right into the trap of the marketers.

I went X'mas shopping.

Met up with Irene and Vernon, started from Zara (Borders) all the way to Heeren, I manage to get my family something.

Except for my mom and I want to bring her go Shoe Shopping at Charles & Keith.

My expenditure totalled up to $200. That's like 70% of my month's salary.

But I think it's worth it lah since X'mas happens once a year and also, I made purchases for the long term.

Got meself two polos & a pair of jeans, kinda the official civillian uniform for future sergants to be.

Meet up with Eugene & Max for dinner and we talk about our own army days. Irene went home first because she couldn't stand the testorone talk (kidding... she was tired).

I didn't know Army talk could last for such a long period of time but we kept chatting about our posting, BMTC days and whatever funny memories we all had.

Went to Selegie Rd Tow Huay to continue Man's talk and the Buddy Bashing session began. I won the unanimous award of having the worst buddy ever.

Barely making it home by 12 midnight, I'm shagged with all that shopping and talking.

But it has been unbelivable. And it has been a stupendous day.

Meeting up old pals, shopping and bitching has certainly made it a stupdendous 24 hrs for moi.

Nothing can ever add up to today unless you could have included a mahjong session. But hey, I can't complain, I'm already perked up for all the good things that happen today.

With two more full days left to the elevator straight to hell, I guess I have to treasure whatever I have left (Freedom is the operative idea here).

Oh, talked to long lost project mate Felicia went I came online. So nice to hear from her again. Gonna meet up k Miss Feli.

It really has been a fabulous day for me.

Free, Carefree & Happy as Big Bird from Sesame Street,
Benjamin

In a state of freedom & comfort

I got 3 topics of discussion before I go take my snooze but before I jump into that, I just have to say this.

I LOVE FREEDOM. THE FREEDOM TO ROAM, SLEEP AND EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT WITHOUT BEING STUCK TO A ROUTINE.

That said, national service looms right ahead as my block leave is veering off the corner and back to me wearing the green suit. Sigh ...

First off, I'm back from the theatre after watching National Treasure.

Once again, I applaud the compelling storyline and the personalities that engrossed me. Definetly worth the $7.50.

Makes me want to be a historian or a symbologist like Robert Langdon from 'The Da Vinci Code'.

I want to own part of that wonderful TREASURE : ) It would be a nice dream to swim in a sea of gold coins.

Second off: Call me crazy but I have now shamelessly advertised myself on a dating website.

I might reek of desperatness in finding relationships but lemme scrutinize the situation matter.

Me = Army = No contact with gals = Next Best Logical Answer = Advertize myself shamelessly

Frankly speaking, I was really just plain bored the whole day and was reading emails when I stumble to the newsletter of the notorious dating website which has been emailing EVERY week.

Guess their persistence paid off and I, as bored as can be, decided to write a long profile of what I look for in gals, my preferences and such...

Okay, you can call me the ultimate loser as such but hey, I made a bold step up the staircase of TRYING to expand my social circle.

On my third point, whilst on my way to the cinema on the bus ride, an incident happened.

Some 16 yr old kid was staring at me. For god know what reason. He just purchased something from Crumpler and there he was trying to look good with his goofy cap and iPod earpiece for all to see.

There I was just in a cap to cover my growing crown and my favourite quiksilver blue jacket and jeans outfit.

It came to my utter realization that I used to be like this kid.

Into gizmos and trying to look good. The phrase would be 'dressed to impress'.

I know in life, we go through different phases. It is my pleasure to acknowldege in this blog that I no longer am the dress to impress others adolescent anymore.

I'm at the 'Dressed for subtlety and character' phase. That means dress my own style like in more comfort i.e. tee n jeans.

No more swanky jewellery, big blast out lout branded t-shirts and caps. Just plain ol' me. I guess it's the state of where you know where you belong. You can't care less of the world's existence.

>>> As of 2 am <<<

Just had a pretty dumb convo, will talk more about it tmr.

More photos of my army days as a recruit !

Gonna know my posting tommorrow. A lil scared, nervous and excited mixed into one knot of Benji's stomach.

Optimistic & hopeful for a less torturous vocation,
Benjamin

My Army Pals

Let me rehash abit of my BMT days before I forget them.

I have two very close army pals of mine which I enjoyed my army days with.

Cork is Me, Dork is Alexis and Mork is Ivana. (Names were change to protect the innocent once again :P)

Together. We are the LemonPuff Boys.

Okay that sounded very gay but hey, that phrase didn't catch on anyway in the platoon.

We got along very well because we were the studious ones in the bunk, always there to self-volunteer or the active peeps doing the area cleaning.

Let me start with Dork. He got this nick because of his goofy hairstyle that truly looked like a Dork pre-NS days.

From the looks of things, he is a sentimental guy where you can see him hug his handphone to sleep with his gf on the line.

We discuss loads of things together and the most unforgettable memory is when we kena weekend guard duty for lazy people who decided not to turn up and we had to be their innocent replacements.

Down the guard duty path, we chat from dawn till dusk till dawn about our primary school days, the gals we use to date, our formative years after NS, just to kill time to protect our lovely island of Tekong.

He's truly a buddy to me but the only damn thing is I wish for is to get him a NEW HANDPHONE. He always seems uncontactable half the time and my M1 line is wasted calling directly to 6 seconds of his voice mail 90% of the time.

SO IRRITATING ! But other than that, he has no flaws for the last 3 months that I've seen him.

Then, we come to Mr Mork. OR Mr Potato. OR Mr Tall and Useless. He's the Mr Nice Guy around because you never see him whine or complain or just about laze around.

I think it's my fortune to meet someone like him because you can see he's the guy that friends can count on (or so I presume so).

BTW, he's the one who found out about my blog and he's the one who fucked me unneccessarily because I TOOK HIS BLOODY TREE. I will NEVER EVER FORGET that incident.

The ironic fact about me and Ivana is that we were born on the same day, have the same signature, our front left tooth looks like we have genes of a rabbit and somehow have similar thoughts like those telepathic twins.

Only thing though, he still has a child in him as he goes a lil wanky over 'Mr Big Bear' and 'Lego Bionicle' stuff. BTW, I pity him because he has a girlfriend who spends money like the river.

I, on the other hand, is a jaded fool who is cynical about world peace and questions when are the aliens ever gonna invade us.

The three of us, three total strangers who were physically weak then, but now, I guess all of us have reached a certain standard of fitness. It would be amazing this Friday once the posting order gets out and we end up in the same place.

Maybe there, we can popularize the phrase of 'LemonPuff Boys', one more time.

Cheerio,
Benjamin

My right to voice

It's a little unnerving to know that people you know know even more about you through reading your blog.

One of my Army buddy, Ivana (not his real name) stumbled onto my blog thru another blog.

Assuming I didn't know, he would then pass the hyperlink to Alexis (note all names from now on are changed to protect their real identity).

What if Alexis tells my buddy? I-Sprained-My-Ankle-And-I-Can't-Go-To-The-Window-To-Take-My-Own-Shirt-But-Can-Do-IPPT-Idiot.

Frankly, I fuck care if anybody I offended in this blog reads it and know that I'm talking such bad stuff about them.

I for one have an opinion and I can voice it in any given channels I have. It is up to the discerning reader to comprehend what I say is bias or just plain BULLSHIT.

BTW, I did not write this because Ivana saw my blog and told me about it but it just occured to me.

What if? What if people I offended read my blog and says "Hey, that's me my fren/buddy/stranger is talking about."

I think my only curt and honest reply would be if I saw my name or something written about me would be "Everyone's entitled to their own opinion."

Unless what I see written about me is drastically biased to the opinion of absurdness along the line like "Benjamin trims his armpit hair with a parang" or "Benjamin is going to be the next president", I would then violently object.

But in any case, any form of feedback to the writer would still be futile. It will just end up like a childish catfight of words with two different viewpoints.

All that said and done, I have this to say to Ivana.

"You can have your bloody tree. Don't fuck me because you mistakenly took my tree."(Private joke...)

Mr Cork to Mr Mork,
Benjamin

Shrunken !

It only came to my realization today at the mirror of what I have become.

Yes, Ladies and Gentleman, I've shrunk myself.

Yes, after training in the wilds and training for IPPT, I'm close to what you would liken what you spit out after chewing your chicken wings.

On Monday when I went for a medical check-up, my fats composition was 'Normal' but my skeletal frame could use some 'muscle'.

Ideal weight for my height ?

I need 10 more Kilograms.

I need to be 68kg. Well I used to be that WEIGHT before I entered 3 months of hell.

Needless to say, I'm rather horrified.

Not from the fact that I need 10 kg to be considered 'ideal' but as I looked into the mirror today just trying to be a narcissitic arse before I zoomed out of the home, I notice one discerning fact.

My t-shirt was too BIG for me.

My sleeves covered my elbows and my collar is practically droopy. I was flabbergasted.

I'm now a 'Small'.

If I was a woman, I would be heaving my breasts for joy. But I ain't menstrual so I don't think any GUY would be gleeful with a downsize.

I'm no more a 'Medium'.

I need to get fat. Like real fat. Becoz 90% of my brain (not fats) says I'll end up in Sispec and most prob, I will get to look like one of the poster child for some Africa starvation programmes.

In need of help (mass),
Benjamin

Awakening

Yes, I finally broke my procrastination streak and got my arse off to Jurong to fix my lappie's keyboard.

Somehow, the cable was wonky and the technical staff there cannot deduce it to "too much physical pressure" or "overheating".

What the heck. I repaired it and paid 52 bucks. No complaints. I got my best friend back. = )

In this few days of block leave, I'm gonna do the following:

- Sort and clear all army rubbish neatly into my duffel bag
- Go Bowling
- Go Wild Wild Wet with my army pals
- Maintain my fitness by going to gym/jogging(twice)
- Avoid Chocolate at all costs
- Binge only ONCE at Marche or some buffet place until end of '04
- Sleep until 11 am, just nice for lunch

Call me crazy but I guess I like to list my next step of actions for the coming week or so. I'm an organized freako.

Btw, I'll also get my posting this Friday and high chance is that I'll end up in SISPEC (Suffer in Silence Plus Endless Confinement).

It also has come to my realization that I'm an insufferable whiner already.

For the last 4 months or so in army, my blog entries have been about complaints and boring updates or so. That is like so not me post-poly student.

Where has my opinion, stance and voice gone to ? I have been inexplicitly suppressed by the narrow-minded conditioning of the army regimental training.

That's it. I'm now going to sound out more.

Be it about my boring as banana love life or how I view life jadedly (such a word???).

Because on the boring train journey back, I reflect again on the meaning of life.

Before you say, there he goes again, let me explain again.

I was thinking what is the value of working so hard and earning so much money to get a house & car, support a family and then die.

I have the inkling of earn what I spent, save enough till I die, and let my offspring get none of my inheritance except the house and the expiring COE car.

I think that's the best way of living because you'll then spent all your money on enjoyment because you EARNED it.

Well, that's my way of looking at it. The meaning of MY life is to enjoy whatever you have of it thru pampering yourself.

Note: Benjamin is a selfish brat and he's aware of that fact.

I guess this marks a new milestone of my new line of thinking.

Benjamin

10 days of Freedom

Now. If you all were wondering where last week's update was, you only can blame one person.

Lady Luck who refuse so much as to flash her boobs or fart at me.

I was like SO SUAY last week.

My lunch was eaten by birds, got called up to be weekend guard duty replacement, kena platoon i/c AND my laptop keyboard is spoilt.

Hence, I'm blogging from my best friend's house now.

I'm gonna go early in the morning all the way to Jurong to get my lappie fixed somehow. I need my daily NET fix.

By the way, I'm freed from Tekong and have a 10 day respite from drinking spiked island water.

I don't know where I'll be posted to but most prob will be back to Tekong to train to become a Sargeant where my next 5 months will be a MISERY !

But before I dwell on that misery, I guess I just wanna relax myself before I recognize my time is due for the torture rack.

So after the graduation parade, I had a good dinner packing my stomach at Pastamania before viewing 'The Incredibles'(Yeah, i know I'm slow).

I just hope to get back to the normal swing of life aka no more bad things befallen upon me ANYMORE for the next 10 days.

I had already enough. I have decided I shall go buy Toto or 4-D because if my luck is that bad, it will bound to shoot back up to positive-hood.

Oh, and I heard Taufik won Singapore Idol. Well, better a mascara looking guy than a J-rock band impersonator I guess.

The only good thing I pray for now is that my keyboard can be repaired with little or no fuss. I NEED ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD.

Newly promoted Private,
Benjamin