Mind Frenzy

What can I honestly blog about?

I lead an army life that really shags me out.

Red pock marks from unidentified creatures on a creaking back and a swirling mind, I can honestly say, there isn't much to shout hoo-hah here in OCS.

First off, the wing that I'm in is rather tough or what most people say, "siong".

It is not the physical pain that one is placed under the torture rack but it is rather the mental strain that one is under duress.

Everyone there is always in a frenzy meeting instructors' expectations and the near impossible timing.

So many things to do with so little time. My admin (free) time is reduced to barely umm.... 10 seconds before I have to doze off.

In OCS, there is always something to do or prepare for the next day. I can never sleep with a peaceful mind without any worries for tommorrow.

That say, OCS is a challenge and since I'm 'catapulted' into this obstacle, I will do my best to overcome it.

Another worth mentionable fact is that the people that I have grown to know there are of 2 majority of cliques.

They are either the proud pricks or the anal retentive.

Seriously, because some of us (me included) are crossover from SISPEC, I kinda feel ostracized and left out in conversations or when tasks are distributed out to the platoon.

Call me paranoid but it doesn't only happen to me but the rest of the other 'crossovers' or aptly named 'new birds'.

I guess I cannot blame them because they (the old birds) have been clustered together and they feel comfortable with one another already and for us to intrude is like an intrusion to normalcy.

That said, please do not quote me that I am trying to generalize or sterotype all of them as pricks or anal arseholes.

There are a few good people there but there are some that are just .....

The best phrase to put it in a politically correct manner is ....

"In SISPEC, you 'garang'. In OCS, you 'wayang'."

I have 8 more months ahead, I hope to know them better and I will give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not what I perceive them to be.

I just feel a better sense of brotherhood and easiness among my SISPEC friends.

It just feels a little tense, as though it is like a 9 month competition where everyone has to outperform one another.

For one, I would like to state my intentions to complete my course unscratched and unscathed.

I am happy the way I am.

I don't feel less of a man if I don't get my officer rank.

A human being sets their own expectations. If you set yourself based on others' expectations, you will soon falter as you cannot please EVERYONE.

That said too, I have become very reserved as I felt I couldn't be myself there in OCS with so many eyes on me warning me that freedom of expression in the form of my lame jokes and quirkiness is frowned upon.

On another note, my laptop hard disk crashed.

F U C K. I really don't know what happened but the seriousness of the matter settled in what I noticed two major facts.

1) All photos have went 'poof'
2) Along with all my design programs

Sob sob. Least to say I'm pissed.

2 years and 4 months. That's how long it lasted for moi.

I have since then replaced my hard disk and I have a brand new interface that I'm still adjusting myself too.

I lost all my programs, my links and how I placed and organized my wonderful files.

All gone with the wind now. Sad. Grrr....

Note to self:
I SHALL NOW DO A MONTHLY BACKUP TO AN EXTERNAL HDD FOR ALL IMPORTANT FILES.

I have downloaded/bought/re-installed loads of programs to replace my loss.

Dreamweaver, Photoshop CS, ICQ, MSN, Yahoo Messenger, Kazaa, BitComet, Exeem, Office XP, Skype, iTunes and Mozilla Firefox.

The above are the basic neccessities I need to survive in the internet world.

Without the above, I will suffocate at my keyboard with my fingers trembling and scraching the keyboard.

Oh, before I forget.

IF ANYBODY HAS ANY PHOTOS THAT HAS ME INSIDE, please send them to my email or sent it to me thru MSN.

I BEG YA. (on my knees....)

To end off a typical boring post of what I have become that is not the cheerful sacarstic me anymore ....

I have assignments to do (from army, DUH!, where else).

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone though, althought it won't be all that "Happy" for me.

So much work to do, so little time,
Officer Cadet Trainee Benjamin