Spade, Shop n Shots

(Long photoblog.... I'm feelin' generous)

Some quibs of the happening of lil ol' me for the past few days or so:

In Army:

Went through Exercise Spade, which means dig a hole to bury 6 adults and then cover it up. Lame useless way of exerting unneccessary energy.

3 days straight with 3 hours of indecent sleep. I know. It's inhumane.

Out of Army:

Immediately after bookout, went home, changed and went to play mahjong at my bro's place.

Call me a maniac, but I didn't felt all that shagged considering the amount of winks I had.

I plonked out eventually at approx 4am to be awakened comfortable by a snugly blanket (ah heaven!) at 12 pm.

Lazed around the entire day with Xbox and PS2 before heading home at 11pm at nite to build more sandcastles.

Saturday (Today)

Tore myself out of bed to wash my dirty Army stuff which is sandy and gritty.

My SBO needed rescue and had to dismantle the whole damn bra.

Met up with Gareth, Jason, Chun Kiat, Farid and Daniel for lunch over at Far East.

Basically plonk ourselves on a window shopping tour for penniless peeps where we wandered from the North to South of Orchard.

Dispersing at Orchard Point, and later at Marina, I went on a shopping spree.

Alone.

Sue me.

I had to.

Too much money in the bank is no good for health.

Quoted by me. Copyrighted by me. Authenticated by me.

I went to buy more books ! Not that I will read it immediately due to lack of time.

I have amassed a great amount of books ever since I entered OCS, which is rather impressive considering I would NEVER buy books.

I try to convince myself the need for literay indulgence is due to the supressive need to whitewash out weekday activities of mundane conformity (aka stupidity).

I've suceeded so far.

A view of what my brain has been feeding or about to feed itself so far.

I'm ready to start my 2nd hand bookstore

Small note: My Dan Brown collection has been passed onto the endless links of the human chain.

Also note that I've yet to start reading books which I borrowed from Gwen, the mini 'Tuesdays with Morrie' which I heard is quite heart-felt and the Gargantulan book that inspired the book 'Lord of The Rings'.

In addition for my brain feeding activites, I've also stepped sideways to drop down the pothole of un-neccessity shopping.

Yes, it's called shopping for yourself (aka or your wants).

First off, I bought something which I needed.

A wallet. Because my old wallet's coin pouch had a large hole where coins keep plonking themselves out due to Mr Gravity.

As I was too lazy to stitch, I got a replacement.

Yes they are the same but I adore this range of wallets

Now the things that I wanted but not needed but still bought-ed (added the -ed becoz it had a nice ring to it-ed.)

You can go ahead and say it. Sigh and exclaim:

"Benjamin is such a shopping sucker who will drop his pants for anything he desires. You know the look especially when his eyes are glazed like sugary doughnuts and his knees are wobbly.'

Anyway, I got a pendant.

Straight as an arrow, sacrasm to the core

I needed to accessorize. And besides my sparkling sunnies & armband (yes, I ripped it from Benjamin Bratt from the TV series 'The OC'), I was basically naked.

BTW, I bought these 2 ^^^ long time ago okay .... and yes, I'm vain

Not naked per se but just felt empty and I needed more 'voice'.

I swear I can visualize images of people puking right now.

And inside my shopping cart too was a shirt from Topman.

Yes, I'm going thru this 'Grunge Intellectual Funky Punk' look right now. Have a current crave on white/black basic arty farty tees.

I'm a punk wannabe with the soul of a bookworm

Speaking of fashion, this month is having Singapore's Fashion Festival.

As a tribute of respect to the organizers, I have done what most Singaporeans wouldn't normally do at this time of day or even any time at all.

I arranged my wardrobe. Yessire.

From collar polos to jerseys, beach shorts to jeans and from shirts to tees.

My Pop bought me that Arsenal jersey thru a fren from London. How thoughtful!

An accomplishment of my own right. Call me lunatic. I'm organized. Sue me.

Oh since I was like in town the whole day, I kept bumping into people from various pasts of my life.

Finally met up with a long lost pal Yuen Keong whom I used to be closed to. So weird to see how far we have drifted apart from the awkwardness of our short convo.

All in all, it has been an awesome day for me.

I was bored during TAR7 rerun on AXN.

Muffled on the buzz of life,
Benjamin

Forte

Procrastination is my forte.

Military assignments are not even started yet.

Permanant ink words of 'I'm Screwed' are scribbled on my forehead.

Dead n shot,
Ben

Room-style

I find it peculiar how I lead my current lifestyle.

I'm a monochronatic obeying neat soldier by weekday and a ruffled-up straggler washed-up bedfellow by weekend.

It's like living in 2 extreme spectrums.

I seriously wonder how I do it.

My army bunk is kept in utmost pristine manner where dust cease to exist but my room is piled up with junk food, novels stacked anoynomously and random trinkets rattled everywhere from desk to floor.

Neat freak : Sloppy Hobo

Weird I tell ya, the days of my life.

Okay, I'm gonna whip my skinny arse back into shape and make my room more, um, like a room.

Gonna head out for a tan later with Gwen, not that I need to look any darker than now.

Life's full of irony,
Benjamin

Pyschology

Lately, my interest in pyschology has risen to newer heights.

I'm probing more on how people fear, think or react especially when I see some of my comrades making a silly mistake under pressure or when they override that wave.

My shopping weekend got me buying a textbook about pyschology.

I know. Who the hell buys textbooks when they don't need it?

I believe I got kinda hooked onto thrillers and mysteries and most of them fiddle onto the plot of the pyschic of the murderers or the victim.

Guess I'm a victim of pyschic exploration for now.

Just to note, I've read two fantastic novels

The Suspect by Michael Robotham & The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason

Money well spent I must say, only intellectual stimulation I can get while being placed in the regimental grinder.

Oh and speaking of which, I have two 'homework' of 'military planning' which I have to complete and I'm procrastinating it.

My thesis would be about procrastination if I ever want a permanant head damage.

Lately, I've been exploring my ownself too.

What type of individual I am and how I've grown up to be.

I'm an autonomous person with my own set of rules to lead my life. I don't set to achieve my benchmark of success on anybody's hopes except mine.

Which is to do well in terms of financial success and self-actualization need to be the best in my field.

Nobody tells me what to do, nobody tells me what I can do, but I will play around the boundaries and push them to the limits where explorable.

It's good to have some self-reflection of where I am once in a while.

Advertising vs Pyschology,
Hmmmmmmm

Freedom

The taste of freedom is a pint of Cookies n Cream Ice Cream from Swensens over Survivor on a Friday night without a care of how late I can sleep later.

Heaven.

Payday

Payday was due.

Hence, very busy. Shopping.

Have to rush back to camp now.

My mood is a damn satisfied shopper with grin as wide as the chesire cat.

Gotta go, will blog next week,
Benjamin

Thanxs 4 the support

Been spending the whole day slacking and writing the compulsory army journal.

Have to fill up the missing days with PR-filled crap about how I spent my day.

Anyway, this is just a short blog entry before I go off for my family dinner.

Anybody wanna go to a US-university seminar for prospective students?

A N Y O N E ?

I just wanna go take a look tommorrow at the rough costs involved and the cirriculum there.

I know the seminar cum exhibition is for 'A' level students held at Pan Pacific Hotel tommorrow at 11am onwards and I'm just a diploma holder.

I'm gonna be there early to scour for whatever tidbits of a uni student's lifestyle if I was ever to lead one.

There is a slight hint of possibility that I could end up there for a more developed education in terms of knowledge intensity if I choose to dig deep into my parents' CPF but have to pay them back much more when I work.

Anyway, for those who left a comment, responded or replied to me like Tiffi, Ivan and blog readers, a big thank you for yall.

Thanks for being a comforting ear or your piece of advice, it helps somewhat knowing that I have some support out there.

I will carry on despite the hardship.

I was on the brink of failure when I considered opting out.

Let's hope I never cross that line. Ever.

Sanguine and upbeat for now,
Benji

Breaking Down

Never in this world would I expect myself to meltdown.

But it has officially happened.

I just broke down mentally and just cried my tears out.

I guess there is a lot of stress that has been knotting up inside me and the only avenue of expression is either through telling my friends or blogging about it.

And it seems that isn't the solution as I still ended up breaking down.

Last Sunday, I was so stressed up doing my assignment of "Ops order" that when the printer failed to print, I blew up at my mother who was rushing me to eat my dinner.

To really sum up all the stress I'm feeling, I just poured out all to my father who was gracious enough to change his plans and fetch me to camp as I was rushing for time.

I never had such a heartfelt connection with my Dad before and I felt it was my first time being mano oh mano.

My father asked me to pull strong as I dried my tears, knowing that it was a week of suffering that I had to endure again.

On Monday morning (aka 4 am), there was a turnout which was physically strenuous.

I could take it physically.

But mentally inside, I was reflecting how bad a person I have changed through the days since I entered OCS.

Before I entered the stressed world of officer cadet training, I felt very happy-go lucky, had a sense of humour and feel that my shoulders were rather light and fluffy.

After about 2 months inside, I feel I have changed to another human being, totally devoid of my old 'self', the original 'Ben'- sacarstic, humourous and light-headed.

And I hated what I became and how I flared at my mom and I broke down again.

This time, in front of two strangers, my Platoon commander and section commander.

Least to say, it's a first for the books of Benjamin and I shared my problems with them.

They gave me comforting words and after intaking what they have to say, which was good advice btw, I decided to give it a try.

Cut more slack for myself, suck thumb and just endure the whole course.

One of the reasons why I'm staying is because both of them say I was one of the few better ones in the current batch.

Strong motivation there for me. Need to maintain and persevere.

So end decision, just 'endure' and 'loosen' up more.

Loosen up becoz I've turned into a virtual hermit, devoid of human laughter so I do need to blend in and mix around more.

That said, I'm not embarrassed to post about how I mentally broke down and cried.

I believe crying allows the relief of whatever tension that has been stored inside and it is a form of expression.

Apparently, keeping it all in was not a 'good' thing becoz I cracked and was very depressed and acted 'abnormally'.

So fuck off if you said I am a sissy or some emotional biatch that finally ranted thru tears.

Wow.

Sounds like I'm a deeply troubled person ay ? lol.

Anyway, the last few days damn shagged. Little sleep esp at field camp and this evening SOC is shaggedelic.

Holding a 10 kg Gun for 2 whole days on my shoulders and smelling like a sweaty hog isn't that comforting.

Time to catch up with the family this Saturday.

God only knows when I have decent time with them.

Until then,
Benjamin