Self-discovery

I have this rather unique approach of thinking and I apply it to whatever I do.

"Use the pessismist to find the optimist in me"

Whenever I'm handling a task that seems tedious or mind racking, I always like to tell myself that I will falter eventually.

But upon due completion of task, I will gain in morale and postivity to strive even harder.

i.e. My final year project presentation finals where I keep depressing my hopes of making it to 1st or 2nd place due to lack of manpower and I was essentially a 1-man show doing the backstage work.

The eventual result of my team not clinching last place was satisfying. An overwhelming relief of achievement, I must say.

Hence, people around me doing the task gets very easily demoralized due to me.

Like how I whined a little of putting on camouflage and going to the jungles to 'chiong sua'. I get an adrenalin rush upon completion when I get back to the bunk and wash off my camo.

It just alarms me that I have this school of thought.

I don't think much people adopt this method of thinking whenever they are doing their stuff but I guess it helps that I acknowledge this is the way I work.

Oh well, thoughts of the week that've been buzzing me.

Intensive training has begun to fit in the schedule and as compared to what I went thru in BMTC, SISPEC is like 10 times more 'garang' and 'siong'.

Sadly, I'll be confined for the next 2 weeks so when I book in tommorrow (or later tonight if you are so anal on timing), I gotta bring loads of food & self-entertainment (i.e. porn magazines and blow-up dolls as such).

Another discovery that I've made besides my pessy/opti school of thought is that I'm becoming more anal as I age.

I'm more attentive to details, more fussy on timing and more belligerent to anybody that irks me.

I just have to bitch about this but I have this bunkmate who asks REALLY dumb questions.

"Why is my cock so itchy?"

"Have you ever wonder why is there so much pubic hair at the urinals?"

I'm really okay with him and such, as I know everyone is different. I'm eccentric in my own ways and I acknowledge the fact that he's eccentric too but it came to a point when he chipped my shoulder.

Scenario: Lunch at the cookhouse
I just sat at table with my fruit on half the plate that I eat my lunch on.

Stupid Qn Pal (SQP): Why is your fruit on your plate?
Me : (Just continued munching my atrocious lunch, ignoring his qn)
SQP : Why you so funny one ah ?

SQP made that comment with the other 5 people that sat on the table that he just insinuated me of being funny with my food. That IRKED me.

I rebarked.

Me: Well, you do a lot of funny things and I don't comment on them.
SQP: You make a lot of comments too. I was just asking a question.
Me: (continued munching my atrocious lunch, ignoring him, again)

I guess you wouldn't know about the scenario unless I can give you some background info.

SQP is an eccentric person, wears only his underwear to polish his boots, sings songs that irritate me to the core & he sings them non-stop and he asks dozens of DUMB questions.

Okay fine, I'm mean. Eccentric person he is I guess and I accept a person no matter what 'unique' personalities they have.

My relationship with him rather okay, tipped neutrally on the teeter tatter scale.

Oh and another discovery.

I have this innate ability to make people hate me for me.

Whenever I get to know strangers, I always try to to build a bond with them to breach the awkwardness and know them more as friends.

When that bridge is established, out comes the crappy sacarstic Ben.

I will suan them as the days of knowing them gets longer. Seriously, I believe my past life was either a lime plant or an old hag that is deluded with life.

I have officially irritated my Sgt to the point where he openly asks me to shut up in front of 40 over people , as if to sense that I was gonna speak up even though I was tight-lipped.

Sigh, the journey of painful self-discovery continues.

See ya in a fortnight,
Benjamin

P.S. Thru reading my blog, you can see how I apply the pyscho Pessy-Opti outlook on meself. I gripe about SISPEC but now, I'm starting to see the light from the end of the tunnel. Yippee!