Shy Squirms

I'm naturally a shy person.

Understatment of the year perhaps.

People who know me know that I'm a crazy, lame joker that loves to fool around and have a good laugh. You could say i'm a group morale booster (don't vomit).

But I have to admit, I'm really shy (floor flooded with vomit).

I'm very shy, when I'm in the prescene of someone I like or talking to.

I try to put up a face when I'm in the group like I'm a hermit out to get drunk and just make a dumb fool of myself but deep inside, I'm really shy when I'm near her !

Yes, when I am talking face to face or one to one with the person in a phone conversation or a private meet-up, I just get squirmy.

Yes, for those who don't know what is squirmy, it is the action of touching a caterpillar and in self defence, it rolls up in a ball.

I get his squirmy feeling everytime I talk to her. Maybe I'm not comfortable with her yet but the thing is, I'm not sure how she feels about me, that's why.

I'm very conscious of what she thinks of me. That's why I get squirmy.

When it comes to matters of the heart, when I confess or say some lovey dovey smoochy gooey stuff, I simply squirm.

My face blushes and my ears becomes hot like red pepper, my eyes will be looking at some direction of embarrasement and my hands just turn a bit sweaty that I rub them together to ease the tension of this squirminess.

Women have a love/hate relationships with squirmy people.

When they see a man squirm, it goes to show that the men is indecisive and just very nervous around her. On the other hand, it can be interpreted as that the man is very cautious of his actions as he is concerned of what actions he do might affect the opinion of him to her. I'm the latter.

The perennial advice by girls is "Just be yourself".

Well honeys, it ain't that easy.

It's like being on American Idol, you getting judged by Simon Cowell, only this time, there is no American audience to vote, no auditorium audience to please and no Randy Jackson to say "you're the man".

There is only one person looking and all you are concerned is how to perform well for her, to impress her and to just hope that she has some good words to say to you at the end of your performance (your mating ritual).

It is just a strange thing but some men has problems getting in touch with their emotions. They are aloof when it comes down to expressing love and they think a TV remote control with a big bow is sufficient to celebrate an anniversary.

I think a large majority of men squirm when they like somebody but they simply do not know whether the girl shares the same affection.

Maybe it's just me. I'm just shy but I really am conscious how I look in her eyes.

And I guess I will never know until I get that assurance. Maybe then, will I not squirm anymore.

- Benjamin