Interviewing Me

I shall be lame.

All about Me.

Yes, this is a self-egocentric piece of myself but I love to be deluded. Indulge me.

Q: "What's the best part of your job?"
A: "The best part of my job is when I can sort and cut out newspaper articles from India because I can sniff and fantasize that I'm in India and yes, the ink emits out a dreadful smell, from the Ganges river. I wish to bathe in there one day."

Q: "You are aware that the Ganges river is polluted right?"
A: "Of course, I'm not dumb you know. C'mon. Cows and buffalos shit in there and you all know how shit will turn to fertiliser and then make your skin all smooth and milky."

Q: "Um, Do you have a favourite gadget?"
A: "Yeah, I wish I can have the iPod or some women tying me to the bed with pink furry handcuffs. It's a tough choice between these two."

Q: "What's the weirdest thing we'll find in your closet?"
A: "Unwashed underwear, dead cockroaches and my mom."

Q: "How would you title your own movie?"
A: "Swimming down the Ganges"

Q: "Describe your typical casual dress code."
A: "Excuse me, I don't cross dress."

Q: "What's the last thing to cross you mind before bed?"
A: "Not to wet my pants after bed."

Q: "What type of women are you looking for?"
A: "Preferably someone that has a sense of humour. With no penis."

Q: "Choose one. Beauty, Intellect or Personality."
A: "Typical answers would be to choose intellect or personality because people will say beauty will fade away in a decade or so. But I prefer Beauty, as in me being a hunk, because I will then attract someone who is Intelligent and then she will be my sugar mommy and then I marry her aka male version of Anna Nicole Smith and then divorce her and get half of her estates with monthly pensions and alimony for the amount of hurt she caused me."

Q: "How many children do you wish to have?"
A: "It depends. My monthly contribution to the local sperm bank is getting lots of attention from the media because of some population issues. I think I have 94 of them in KK hospital thus far."

Q: "What do you aspire to be?"
A: "A reality show producer or a char kway teow seller. Both of them drive a Lexus to work."

Q: "What is your strategy coming into this game?"
A: "I wanted to make more friends, increase my social networks and I would be lying if I did not have hope of wanting to find romance here. But that is ultimately not the goal because you cannot force affairs of the heart to just happen when as you want it to happen. Let me reiterate. "Blog the best, expect the worst". If I get eliminated, cest la vie. I just want to really go as far as possible. I would be lying if I said the $5,000 didn't help my life like buying 5 annual subscriptions of India's newspapers and an iPod packaged with some nice furry toys."

Q: "What is the most important virtue of this game?"
A: "I guess that would have to be honesty. Reason being, you need to trust people no matter what to say and I have played it honestly full out. No lying. I just keep my mouth shut. No drama, even though it is like a bad Channel 8 script out here. Maybe Singtel can sell our true life confessionals to Channel 8 to make it a drama serial. I'm sure it is juicy enough to last longer than the 100 over episodes of Holland Village."

Q: "Have you asked any of your friends to vote for you?"
A: "Yes, I have been shamelessly asking my friends to waste their miserly 20 cents on me just to make me survive. I think I have no more friends after this competition because I deprived them of visiting public toilets twice and hence, they are unhappy. I have run out of options. I might need to do sexual favours to survive. (Slaps myself with a trout). I need a sugar mummy. Haha. Wait, if sugar mummy gives me US$5,000, why do I even need to blog here? LoL"

Q: "What are some words you would like to say to you blog readers and supporters?"
A: (From the bottom of my heart) "I wish to thank everyone who have approached me and supported me be it through chat logs or mIRC chat sessions. I'm genuinely pleased that you all loved reading my crapola that I chit out everyday because it fertilises your daily mundane life. If you happen to bump me along the street, feel free to slap me on the butt. I promise not to sue you. I’'ll give you a pink handcuff ya know. I'll be handing out leaflets of application forms of sugar mommy wannabes."

Q: "What 4 words will you engrave on your tombstone, as a parting message?"
A: "Six Feet Under. Duh."

- end of interview -

(The whole room stank of Benjamin's body odour which is worse than the combined smell of the Ganges, stacks of old newspapers and decomposing Channel 8 drama scripts.)