Encounters with another kind

After a tiring night of mahjong, my friends decided to crash at my place.

The comforts of home beckon, and the easiest way home is by taxi. (from Yishun to Bedok).

This is where the weirdest encounter begins.

The taxi driver.

He looks like an affable fella; his English was of some standard rather than those kopi uncles who can't differentiate the pronunciation of Novena and Newton.

Being all sleepy eyed, we just wanted an air-con ride to home sweet home. However, it seem the ride home will not be as sweet as we expected.

The taxi driver spoke in a booming voice. SUPER LOUD.

"HOW YOU ALL WANT ME TO GET THERE HUH ?"Ear piercing if you had to imagine the noise level that vibrated from his thorax.

We just wanted to go through SLE than TPE than home. All shagged but the taxi driver KEPT YELLING in a high FREQUENCY.

He DEBATED all the way, nagging this way faster of going down PIE through Toa Payoh then through Kallang way. That in fact was a longer route which would incur extra cost and hence the DEBATE.

Eventually, among the flurry of words, we FINALLY told him how to reach my house even though he was still a blur. We decided to use MY route and he just gave a really heck care grin.

We wished to head to slumberland as the expressway was an endless road of sunrise which was not glaring but more inviting. We wanted to ah.... and then sleep but ....

NO. THE TAXI DRIVER JUST HAD TO BE THE FRIENDLIEST CAB DRIVER IN THE WORLD.

We were just having a light conversation as we almost dozed off about Eric’s upcoming driving test. (Just so you know, I sat in front while Eric and Ivan sat behind) and the CAB DRIVER decided to gave his input.

He went on YAKKING in his BOOMING voice on how to pass the test. He told Eric to give the driving instructor a blow job.

Yes, you are thinking, what the fuck?

Why in the middle of driving would he want to ask another guy to give a blowjob? The fact was he kept looking at me while talking instead of the road was unnerving. Danger, blowjobs and a taxi-driver? Weird combination?

Okay, our annoying cab driver was telling us the difference for a girl and a guy passing their license and then he went on to talk about Leslie Cheung.

He droned on with his BOOMING voice how rich Leslie Cheung's manager was and that he doesn't mind being the manager even if it mean going down on people.

You people must be thinking "What kind of taxi driver did I flagged?"

I swear I'm not making this up.

And then Ivan said with that money, you can buy some Singtel shares. I said I would rather buy an island.

AND our cab driver put dirty thoughts into my idea, and say he will make the island clothing free and everyone will walk around naked and it will be an ORGY ISLAND.

Surprised? YES, I am, coupled with the fact that I was hazy and just wanted to sleep and here he was trying to stimulate my male libido with naked scenes of him on an island and he has to TELL all 3 of us. How sleazy can he be?

Then, he went to talk about his Batam experience.

Okay, we may be 3 young teenagers that might not be educated sexually but I think he believes he is like telling us hisgrandfather stories, imparting us sexual knowledge. Like we need any.

For me, I think he is either telling me all the bull crap to boost his ego that taxi drivers are not what they seem or he is telling me all what he has learn through his rice bowl journey so I can learn to be like a taxi driver like him.

He told us a bit of his background, having a 31yr old son and being a super doting father, that is willing to give up almost everything type of husband.

Then, he proceeded to tell us about his batam romps. How much they charge, where to get the better girls. Hearing this openly from an older man, I was more appalled than enlightened.

He claims that when he takes time off from his taxi shift, "he will paint the whole street red" at Batam. Just so you know, he looks 55-ish and I have a MMS picture of his taxi ID. I'm really tempted to humiliate him.

DISCLAIMER: THOSE WHO WISH TO CONTINUE ON READING, PLEASE BE 18 AND ABOVE AS IT CONTAINS PAEDOPHILIA TEXTUAL SCENES OR ELSE, PLEASE VISIT WWW.CAREBEARS.ORG FOR A HAPPY VIEW OF THE WORLD.

To continue, while he drove with vivid hand expressions by letting go of the steering wheel, he went onto describe an experience he had with a 15-year old kid.

Yes. Shocked? I was.

I wish to elaborate more but you have to be there to see how he said it with such vigour and expression that all 3 of us were lost for words.

"push and push... still too soft and cannot go in.... but her figure very good wahhhh figure good leh.." then he repeat about the hole being too small again and this time he even use his hand to illustrate "how small it look like..."

We asked him, how young was it when he did that?
His reply: "5 years ago."

I was tempted to jump out of the moving 80 km/h cab.

We asked him, does his wife know about his nightly encounters?. He says nope, he behaves when he is at home. (In other words, in Singapore). Wait till his wife knows about his infidelity.

Don't you all think he is a repulsive old man?

He is such a beastly character, but what could I do? He was in control of the wheel and the ghastly part was I accepted some coin change from him.

I guess I have not been cultured in the ways of the world but such men do exist out there. Women out there, beware of your taxi drivers. You will never know what they can talk or even do to you in private.

For guys out there, I wish may we never turn like him. He is a nut case and a rare kind but maybe there are many people out there like him that I'll never get exposed to.

I'm not sterotyping all taxi drivers to be of this mold but just watch your back, boy or girl. You'll never know who is the nut case in control.

It's a sad sad world out there.

If I ever turn out to be a taxi driver, I would rather end my life if I grow up to be someone like the one above.

All in all, it is one of the rare, weird and wacky real life encounters of people of another kind.

- Benjamin