Jaded

Well, today sucked.

Final test of my 3 years in poly. Didn't really put in much effort in revising since I practically burn my notes and drank them in some tea.

I'm a realist. A very cynical realist. I remember a few weeks back I was thinking the second most asked question in the world. "What is the meaning of life?"

After all, you come out from your mother's womb, you learn to stand up, you get empowered with knowledge and earn money with that and then all you do is wrinkle and wait to die.

I'm 19 and I already feel like a 91 year old citizen. You may argue that I have not gone through the rituals and tribunals of having to earn my dough or even starting a family.

Well, but it is like a routine that you can observe from your family. Working from 9 to 5 just to earn enough cash to pay the COE and rising ERP and whats more, to top up the CPF.

As for having kids, I already have my fair share of kids that I know that if I ever do start a family, the number 2 should more than suffice even though I am not doing my NS (National Sperm) duty of producing more.

I really wish I was young again. Like being oblivious to all your surrondings, deluded to your responsibilities and just have no care in the world like the youth I once was 4 years ago.

Maturity has sunk in during my poly years and the essence of having a exciting life has dissolved. Because what lies ahead is responsibilites to face society and family, to work, to give birth, to participate in politics, to add more funds to the CPF.

It is a never ending cycle which I'm about to enter and I basically have sum up what life is ahead of me before I reach 91.

I already burned myself out with the sense and sensibilities of life by 19. Am I jaded already?

- Benjamin

P.S. Most asked question in the world for men is "Honey, was I good enough?", for women is "Honey, are my breasts too small?"