Tourists

What a day, what a day.

If only I wore a hawaiian shirt and brought along a camera & sunglasses, I would have belong to an elite crowd of money spenders. Nope, not the stupid looking Upper-upper class but a tourist.

Travelled the entire of Singapore south to film certain scenes for a video. Wow, it was a leg-breaking, back-numbing, finger-cracking task. Carrying around a light camera and a tripod, that was the easiest task. Overcoming my fears was the worst. Let me lay out the juicy details for ya.

Everyone has fears, including me. Two of them are innate to my horoscope sign of Virgos/Virgoes. I never like to admit that i am wrong and I never want to be in the wrong. Therefore, if I never want to be in the wrong side of things, I don't do the wrong things in life. That's me, I never try to do wrong things. If i don't know how to do certain objectives/task , I'll clarify my objectives/task at hand and go out and do it. This is where my fear comes in. I have a fear for authority and approaching strangers.

Yes. And today, I faced my fears. Lugging a video camera around, you had to take certain shots and for those shots to be steady, you had to be SO conspicuous that people will be looking at you and say "Wah, got people filming leh, go see." And then, a crowd ensues. Crowd control officers arrive and tries to control the 3,000 people encircling the camera crew of 3 but to no avail, the second landing floor collapses, leading to the collapse of Raffles City, like 911. Since Raffles city was one of the tallest hotel in the world, it collapses over Suntec City and the other 4 towers collapses over to Marina Meritus Mandarin and Conrad Hotel. In the end, the only building not destroyed in City Hall is the hideous durains that even falling towers want to avoid its spikes. Of course, that didn't happen. But, passer-bys take a glance and look forward, thinking what "extras" we are and what the hell are we doing here.

Qian Ling, Suhanah and I was part of that filming crew that the public swore, avoided and spitted at. Having a video camera as a tourist is perfectly normal. Having a video camera as a student is like the SARS outbreak. Once the red light is out on the DV cam that you're recording, people turn left like Gigi, turn right like Takeshi to avoid being captured in the camera. For those people out there, give us students a break. You have an occupation going shopping in the day and spitting at strangers, can you spare some thoughts to students who just need a barely 5 second shot of you. Nobody is going to recognise you or that hideous mole on you double chin. Grrrrr.

Digressing again. Back to my fears. As I was saying, I was filming around City Hall area and we need some shots of store fronts. Usually, we need to get authorization from the management for a 5 second shot of their outlook. Usually it takes 5 months to go through their line of management before it is processed, just for a measely 5 second shot because it seems in the 5 seconds, the world will crumble if we STUDENTS took a BAD shot of the shop front. APPARENTLY, they did not know that practice takes perfect and if EVERYONE took bad shots of everything, then why is there the invention of TELEVISION. Well, we approached, we asked nicely, we were on our knees, we slipped a bribe in that handshake. But the answer was simply NO, 5 seconds would cause the investors of the shop to withdraw their stocks from it. This happened at the 37 degree shops along CityLink Mall. I am not saying that the retail assitants were mean, they were simply not flexible.

There were security guards patrolling EVERYWHERE we go. Or worse, hidden cameras that heighten my own fears. So, to avoid dissapointment in everything that we shoot, we adopt a simple approach. Shoot and run. Now, as cowardly as it seem as it may be, This method has been proven effective as they only chase us away when we became an eyesore or that we stopped customers from entering the store (which will affect the investors dividends apparently....). So, the brave Qian Ling (heads up to her), did all the shooting, and we just ran along. She daringly went into MPH, HMV and even to Equinox to film. I was counting down when were they going to release the dogs on us.

Of course we survived the gangly imaginary dog attack, or else i wouldnt be here. I am not brave enough to do such a thing on treading dangerous grounds to film certain shots. My fear of breaching authorization or doing wrong things is simply too overwhelming for me. In the film industry, you need to be thick-skinned. I am just too slim to join the industry then. This fear, which I tried effortlessly today to overcome was almost broken. Until an incident at 3.40 pm took place.

I was filming a moving FEDEX van. It whizzed too fast. I found up ending up 50m away from the rest and next to the Treasury building. I turned around. And took some shots of the Treasury building name in the name for this project. Barely 15 seconds past and a fierce looking Malay policeman came running out, with his hand next to his baton.

Policeman: "Oei, cannot film here. Government building."

Me: (Starts to shiver)"Sorry."

Police: "Where you from?"

Me: (Legs trembling) "Si-Si-Sing-apore Polytechinc"

Police: (Sees Suhanah & Qian Ling coming) "Your crew huh?"

Me: "Yah." (Mouth starts foaming)

Police: "Cannot film here." (Waves the baton in front of my face)

Me: (Convulsions coming, faints)

I didn't faint. I skampered out of there like a rat. This was my first outdoor shooting and the brush of the law was less than welcomed but it made its entry like a Christopher laughter out of nowhere in lecture hall. My fear of approaching strangers or being in the wrong will be part of my personality. Forever. I will never be a surveryor, I will never approach gals in a club, I will never get slammed by a policeman again for a school project. It is a weakness of me. That is why I don't think I will be an insurance agent or a housing agent. If I end up as one, go buy a baton and whack me on my head.

The post of the day: Tourists

Being a tourist and seeing tourist is a totally different concept. Singaporeans loves to travel. Singaporeans also loves to criticise. We Singaporeans have a bad habit. A sight of white skin people and the immediate Singlish of "ang moh" comes out. Sterotypical ? Yes, but it is ironic that we ang moh people in a multi-cultural society.

Singapore makes a great deal of income from Tourism. One thing about Singapore is that we are not even great. A cosmopolitian city we are, but if you want to cosmo, go visit your country's capital. I rather you visit the moon for more interesting spots than in Singapore. We have absolutely nothing. Nothing credible. Zoo - everyone has one. Sentosa - Batam is quite nearby. Esplanade - Geylang or Malaysia also can find. Entertainment - Geylang, Thailand or Malaysia also can find. Shopping - Hong Kong not good enough for you? So much money, give to IMF lah. In summary, Singapore is only good for business, food and manpower. Amazing what the Singaporean Tourism Board has doing to make a useless island to an ideal destination spot to splurge your wealth when we have nothing spectacular to offer you. So, to visitors of Singapore out there, come here for the food. We have a cuisine that will make your bowels move. Remember to visit all the stalls that are rated "D' or even better "E". They are the best here in Singapore. If you want leisure, you can find some holes in some country clubs on a land-scarce island or you can find even lesser holes in Geylang on a baby-scarce island.

Now, how about Singaporeans as tourists? Wow,, we are one of a kind. The moment some stuff is cheap, you scream like the kopitiam auntie to your relatives:" OEI, Singapore sell $2, here only sell $0.20. MUST BUY." This usually can be heard in Johor Bahru. Your parents or relatives are such typical tourists. Do you have a lifetime supply of JB keropok or kaya in your kitchen cabinets?

Another personality trait that Singaporeans exude overseas is also similar to the one mentioned above. The moment something is expensive, you scream like the kopitiam auntie to your relatives: "OEI, don't buy hor, Singapore sell $2, here see $2.01. SO expensive. Go home then buy." This usually can be heard in the United States, Japan, Europe and Australiasia. Singaporeans are frugal shoppers. Cheap is good. Good means everyone must buy. Everyone must buy means must buy more than everyone before everyone buys it. I fully empathises with your pain with the loaded cabinets of keropoks that you have.

There are more interesting habits but will touch on it later. Singaporeans are show-offs so no matter where they go, they must bring evidence of their triumphant overseas. The most common type would be photos. This is proven when my family when overseas, my mother kept pestering me to develop them. I did not heed her instructions for 3 days. It was hell at home until I relented. Even then, she made me went back to the shop again to redevelop them. My mom would bring photos to everyone to show when she went. The flight was leaving from Brisbane in 4 hrs, she asked my Dad to take 18 photos of her in the Hotel. Ummm .... it shows u with a pot of flowers overseas. If she loved that, I shall book a hotel in any Singaporean 4-star hotel and make sure they have a reception area filled with loads of flowers. This behaviour is pretty lame.

Besides photos, there are magnets, mugs, teddy bears, key chains. In other words, souvneirs. In my words, show-off-viers (showoffviers). You buy useless mini koala bears to give to relatives. What do you expect to do with it? Put it as a mantelpiece at the dinner table so every evening, they can awe at the wonders of a fuzzy koala bear of 7 centimetres tall ? Worse, you buy magnets that you never use. It just sticks to the fridge and serves its purpose to visitors to the house who pass by the kitchen sink to strike up a conversation of where you went. Smart, but lame to me. My house never uses magnets, we never stick our shopping list or telephone-numbers-to-call-in-emergency list on our fridge. So, why buy magents when they get confiscated by customs anyway (Magnets are deemed as weapons that compulsates the aircraft's machinery causing the plane to crash over Ayers rock). So why waste money over 15 magnets (costing A$20 at least) that serves as conversation pieces ? If you want to be a show off, hang an Australian flag outside the window. That will give you undivided attention from your neighbours, media and the governement. My mum almost comtemplated to do it until I threatned to jump out of the window along with the flag as my parachute.

My mum is a typical Singaporean tourist. She is a perfect example and I intend to use her in reasonable ways to describe my point of view. I will never insult her or manipulate her in an unruly manner to achieve the meaning of my stories. I respect her but she doesn't respect me some times. Maybe she reads my blog. Then again, she is IT illiterate. I love my mum, however embarraasing a typical Singaporean tourist she behaves.

- Benjamin