Joy

I had wonderous fun this weekend.

It was Ivan's birthday chalet @ Arnanda & caught with the working class mateys. And went to Sentosa with Miss Wendy.

Terrible sinful fun I had.

Photos that justify it all.

Within an Orgasm

Looking all so SuperStar

Bright n Cheery

20, 21 & 22 respectively

Mandatory group shot

Ivan's birthday Prezzies

I'm lovin' it
Ben

Snapshots

Doing a bit of revival blogging.

Displaying what a shitty cum interesting life I lead.

I'm living a 5 hour weekend. Father's day is just a quick trip home and back.

Booking in soon. Misery of an Arty cadet. Sad but true.

What I do - Call For Fire using my trusty binos

Pro term - an insufferable period I'm enduring

The scorching sun ain't ur best friend

I'm kinda my platoon photographer and I'm taking these abstract shots.

Kinda getting pro at it, or worse lol.

Living life as tough as it goes,
Ben

Hiatus

I'm taking a break from blogging for now.

Till I certain out my life that is.

My life is as boring as a grannie's panties with nothing to show and smelly to boot.

My passion for writing has wiltered down.

Reason: I don't know, but I shall attribute it to armylife, sucking up the essence of my youth.

Also heard got government agencies wor~, go scan blogs one, skarly fine my one how ?

Not that I have ANYTHING discriminating but I think I just wanna take a break and sort out the fragments of my life for now.

Until then,
Ben

Being Good

For this 3-days away from camp, I'm going to be a studious army boy.

I'm going to S T U D Y.

Just imagine vectors, angles, sin cosine & tangent placed in complex problem sums.

If I fail, I'll be slapped hard in the arse for 'failure to comply with standards'.

Going thru the lessons and revisions, it's very taxing on the brain day in day out hearing figures and formulas on the whiteboard from 9am to 9pm.

At the very least, I don't feel dumb anymore, as I see a larger picture of the role that I have to play if I'm placed admist the battlefield unlike the infantry which is a 'minor manouevre' force.

Lately too, I feel my life is a bore.

Look at my blog and all you can read is whinings about in-camp life.

I need some spice in my life.

I've thought of not procrastinating on my driving lessons and take up Japanese lessons for the minute possibility that I wanted to be a future air steward (you can stop laughing now).

Whatever possibilites there might be, there is an Aussie uni fair next week with my bunkmates and I think I'll be submitting a few applications to see where I'm granted admittance and I'll take my pick from there.

I'm counting down to October 1st. Commissioning parade.

Only then can I heave a sigh of relief of the ordeal that I placed myself into and look positively for the future ahead.

Studious and be-spectacled,
Benjamin

B-day planning

I spent my Saturday avoiding my little white file of numbers.

Attending birthday parties and catching up with friends, 24 hours of Saturday just gone in a poof.

Time is so short when you're having fun.

My FDM test is next Monday and my understanding of the topic borders on the line of bewilderment and blur.

In 1 word. Screwed.

Oh, and I have to start planning for my 21st birthday party.

I will be in Thailand during my 21st birthday so I either have a belated b-day party or post-B-day party which would most probably be at a chalet.

I have a dream, a wish actually and hopefully I can fulfill it on my 21st birthday party.

I've always aspired to be a reality show director.

Hence, I'm planning to organize a Reality show where all my friends & family will participate in a reality show format that I arranged at the chalet prior to the night party where everybody will be fussing over the BBQ & keeping themselves self-entertained.

If you're wondering, it'll be Amazing Race cum The Weakest Link cum Survivor cum Fear Factor cum The Apprentice style.

And yes, I've put some tentative thoughts on what to do and what equipment I need.

Which btw, is video camera equipment becoz I intend to FILM it and then EDIT it so it shall be my very own self-made reality show.

The logistical problem would be getting everyone participating to be ON TIME and FREE THEIR SCHEDULE and be proactive.

Will see how lar, if any of my frens reading this and is interested, leave a comment on the shoutbox or feedback, at least I know of the interested parties.

I only wish for my dreams to come true.

Benjamin

Math

Nope, I didn't do a Copperfield.

I'm still blogging but lately, 'commitments' to army means I have more tasks and responsibilities that disallow me to blog as often as I like.

I don't know whether it's my computer but I can't seem to see any images on my blogsite.

I'm not sure what's happening to blogger or is it some setting in my IE that I set accidentally but just staring at text can seem a bit boring leh.

If anybody knows what's the problem, please SMS me or email me.

Life in camp has been mind taxing lately.

It's like 'A' maths lessons again back in Secondary school only this time, it's a pressure cooker situation with 8-5 every weekday, new topics each day.

I'm struggling to keep up with the Math. Sigh.

I have LOADS of homework and have lots of side tasks to do.

Will blog more later, have to head for the books.

Benjamin

To blog or not to blog?

That is the question.

A state-funded scholar posting racist remarks on his blog and another student being sued due to discriminatory remarks. read about it...

If you've been paying attention to the Singaporean Blogsphere, you can certainly feel the heat of the ongoing drama of the small world bloggers live in.

I know one thing for sure.

There is no anoymity on the net unless you set up a website or post your entries on some pseudo names like Kitty333 or ImSoAnoynomousYouCanTcatchmoi.

But we all know the abscene of a certain identity would result in a lesser of a certain credibility.

Bloggers have a voice and that's why they blog about it.

In a way, we're gatekeepers.

Like MediaCorp or Singapore Press Holdings, the blogger's appeal to a niche audience make them mini gatekeepers of what the audience will be reading.

For some bloggers, they have an extensive audience and what they say or express could possibly have an 'influential shift of impression about the person/topic/situation of the partaking audience.

That said, freedom of speech has now been scarred from the abovementioned incidents and frankly, I myself am more wary of what my fingers dance upon on my QWERTY keyboard.

My thoughts on the above events coincedentally clashed when Ivan mentioned stuff about my blog.

Being a fellow officer-to-be in the SAF, Ivan mentioned whether I should remove my blog all together or make it private because the men/privates/soldiers that I will be leading in future will know my entire existence of how I feel in a website.

I've been pondering about this situation alot.

People that I know vaguely would know about my innate thoughts which in turn represent that people would know me more better than they should know.

It's a bizzare situation, I tell ya.

Imagine if someone on the street came up to ya and asked you about some random topic you blogged about and there you'll be dumbfounded having the slightest clue of the identity of the person talking about you.

It's a terrifying feeling if you have vivid imagination like me.

Essentially, that is part & parcel of being a public blogger.

A blogger can be one who shares his/her inner feelings to ANYBODY that's reading and the hazard of it all is that the people who read about it is people you don't want to at all.

It all boils down to the question of the lifetime:

To blog or not to blog?

My vehement reply.

YES

My beliefs still stand unshaken, I'm still entitled to my freedom of speech.

I'm entitled and that also means I'm restrained with that privilege since I'm born under the white shirt kingdom Republic of Singapore.

My rights are set in the Constitution and ignorance of what law exists is only bullocks. Be ascertain of what you know before you type duh! Or face the consequences.

That means I know what my legal boundaries are if I have to type negatively about how I feel regarding certain people/organization.

Nonetheless, anything about me will still still remain as it is.

My anxieties, my aspirations, my qualms, my hopes, my fears.

There is nothing to hide, I made public of the kind of human being I am.

My personality is such that I'm an open person with no some skeletons that I keep privately stashed.

Everyone has their skeletons, some may open the doors and share it with the world or some will just bury it with them to their graves.

Blogging has already integrated into my lifestyle.

I've already forgot why I began blogging in the first place.

Be it my innate ability to share with the world out there on what I to say or my aching ability to just type endlessly & mindlessly, I'll never find out.

I'll blog whenever time permits, you could call it a routine or a hobby. I don't think I'll ever stop myself from being heard of whoever wants to read about it.

Lengthy issue aside, here comes my scoop about life as an Artillery Officer Cadet.

It's tough I tell ya.

Many perceive life in the Artillery which is classified under the support side as 'senang' or 'slack'.

They are so wrong.

The preview in the first week was already hell-ish enuff.

You have to know the equipment, the complicated maths that comes with it and you're faced under the scrutinity of time of making accurate calculations.

Coupled with the fact that there is still physical training to keep fit and the stress factor of regimentation, I'm starting to to feel the crunch.

Nonetheless, I like the vocation because I'm more of a thinker than a physical person. More brainpower than brawn.

The shitty thing was I assumed that I was booking out early but the lengthy lessons were snowballed and the anitcipation built-up to book out was like a fireball.

When everybody booked out at 11pm, my gaze was like Superman's laserbeam eyes, slicing up anyone who was ready to snatch my cab.

I was angry because my friends were waiting for me to attend Wendy's birthday party.

I reached only at midnight past and almost everyone has left.

Save for my patient pals who were waiting for me (or the fact that they needed a mahjong kaki).

June & Me

June trying to take a shot of the forlorn Ivan who was losing loads of $$$ to me

If I forgot to mention, it was Wendy's 21st birthday and it was held at Changi haunted Aloha chalet

The busy birthday hostess has many guests so the bunch of us had to entertain ourselves with the tiles.

So all 4 of us guys, officer-cadets from DMC, each from a different vocation went into war into the battle of the 144 tiles.

Army (Me & Eric) vs Air Force (Ivan) vs Navy (Aaron).

SITREP (Situation Report)
The navy faced a diastrous loss whereas the Artillery & the Air Forces came up victorious !!!

BTW, Aaron is flying off to England (gasp!). He's gonna be a naval officer and get commissioned by some monarchy (gasp!)and rumour has it that it might be the Queen of England (gasp!).

How come nothing good is coming out of my life : (

Ironically, this morning, as I was bored out of tears with the fact that nothing good is coming out of my life, decide to put in some effort for my further studies.

I was doing research on the various universities that I might enroll myself in a UK uni.

I need a friggin application form from the British Council but it's closed today as it's Labour Day.

Gonna meet up with the Bunch for the movie Divergence. Hope it's as good as the media frenzy it cooked up.

Belated Happy Birthday Miss Cheng & Happy Mother's Day,
Benjamin

Catching Up

(Post-blog: This happened on Friday night at Suntec)

In the space of time, we lose many friends along the way whilst gaining new ones.

It's a process everyone goes thru and even though the existence of Friendster and WWW brings everyone closer in a network, the kinship has vanished through the potholes of the time portal.

Catching up with Aaron & Felicia is really amazing.

Receiving the 1-2 punch

Reminiscence of the poly days where we would gather at FoodCourt 6 and just yap about any topic be it how illegally poly-short that skirt is or reminiders of what to bring for the next tutorial.

It's been close to a year since all of us caught up.

The last time was graduation where it was a flurry of goodbyes with everyone and anyone with hardly any time to spare for a decent conversation much less a farewell photograph.

It is endearing to know they are coping pretty well themselves.

Aaron, who is enjoying his stint at the Civil Defence as a Fire Response Specialist, recently passed out and basking in the sway of time of block leave like me.

Only distinct fact is that his block leave started WAY back LAST SATURDAY while mine just started this WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON. And the fact still lies ahead that we have to returned to regimental-hood (SUNDAY NIGHT).

Sigh.

Colgate would have been proud of us

Mr Aaronic + Mr Sardonic

Felicia on the other hand, is working for my alma mater (Primary School) as someone (I don't know the details) .... It borders along the line of an after-school tutor but working under the honchos of the management. (I wasn't paying THAT much attention....)

What I did perk my ears up to was how Feli was choking up her bank account with her BF to start a business plan and which if I told ya, I have to kill ya.

I wish her luck for her endeavours as it seems she has thoroughly work through most of the details and I hope her future business will rocket into lucrativeness.

Black & White superhero-smile duo

3 of us updated one another of our lives as like it was at FoodCourt 6 again, only this time without wearing our stupid marticulation passes and that we were much more older.

If only food at FoodCourt 6 was THAT appetizing !!!

Feli was maxed out from work since 7 am and Aaron is reading up how to become a professional clown (how apt).

It's been a while since I dispense much timely sardonic wit to close friends. How I yanker for yesteryears of youth.

Gwen joined us mid-way while we were fooling around with texas BBQ sauce & mustard-looking curry sauce.

Whaazup Dawg!

The latest technique of how to stretch our brainpower

Missus Gwen now works for Aaron previous internship job at Maybank which they have *ahem* much gossip about *ahem* the working environment there.

As we left Cafe Cartel, satiated with how each of us are doing well, I can only wonder a few years down the road, when Felicia will get married, Gwen becomes a careerwoman and Aaron earning big buxs as a scary white clown.

Reliving the good times,
Benjamin

Life is all about Simplicity

I guess one can say I lead the life of a simple person.

Big dreams as an aspiring youth, hanging out with friends and just bumming around with any time to spare, I guess that is the lifestyle of a simple person.

I've been thinking.

There are so many things going on in this world.

For people my age, teens morphing into teen superstardom, starting up businesses on their own, excelling in their own sporting arena and contributing to society through community work.

For me, I'm merely an amoeba in existence.

Not leaving any inch of legacy behind.

Achieved nothing of significance so far. Zilch. Nada.

But I guess that's what I am.

A face in the crowd, struggling to stand out from the faceless society I exist in.

Hopeful that I'll carve my way one day.

Not that I'm counselling myself of how miserable a simple life is but I have to assume a large majority of us lead the simple life and are happy the way they are.

I'm pretty satisfied with my life now.

Closet group of friends & indulge in my own infatuations of TV & books.

I guess life does have a path for one to follow, be it set in gravel or gold.

Maybe maturity is hitting me hard in the knees.

Appreciating the simple things in life like relationships has started to dawn upon me.

Today, I met up with my bestest friend, Jun Mian.

We haven't been catching up much but as we met and ate at Phin's Cookhouse @ Bugis, we shared, listened and conversed.

It's been a long time since I had a witty acerbic conversation with anybody.

After dinner, both of us waited till my cozzie Daphne got off work.

Daph tried to 'matchmake' me with this colleague of herd, codename 'E'.

Well, me and 'E' vaguely interacted in some sorts and I find her rather pleasant i.e. potential to spark off some chemistry.

Before you get any ideas, I would like to the maintain the idea that I would like to know 'E' further before I make any assumptions or say anything in this blog that would cement any allegations.

And thus that hences my quotient in my spider-web-filled love life for quite a while now. After all, army is sucking the essence of leading a simple life with decent r/s.

Speaking of which, for those who read my blog regularly (like monthly), I'm shifting out of SAFTI and into Khatib camp to train as an Artillery officer cadet.

I won the lottery !!!

A new beginning as I look forward to completing my professional term in a new environment.

Well, it's been a laidback reflective Thursday for me.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication of my life,
Benjamin

Bo Liao Ben

Stuck at home with a groaning blister, a lazy Benjamin surfs the net while bored out of his mind.

Army stuff piled untidily at every available nook and cranny on his desk and floor, Benjamin just feels too complacent to clean much less arrange.

Benjamin blames the blister.

Benjamin hasn't had his lunch yet and is awaiting a meal of wonderful proportions from heaven to drop on his lap to curb his hunger.

Benjamin hasn't had much sleep yet as irritating Starhub personnel is irritating home to find his brother who doesn't live at his home anymore to pay up bills.

Benjamin is so bo liaoto take up internet quizzes to define his philosophy in life.

You scored as Justice (Fairness). Your life is guided by the concept of Fair Justice: Everyone, yourself included, should be rewarded and punished according to the help or harm they cause. "He who does not punish evil commands it to be done." --Leonardo da Vinci "Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace." --Dwight D. Eisenhower More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page... Justice (Fairness) 100% Hedonism 95% Existentialism 90% Strong Egoism 80% Kantianism 75% Utilitarianism 45% Apathy 35% Divine Command 25% Nihilism 15% What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

Benjamin is writing from this other point of view because he also does not know what he is actually doing, except for the fact of hunger, fatigue and boredom, all consumed into one blind faith to blog.

Still waiting for heaven's reply,
Benjamin

(Update 2.09 pm: Food indeed lands on Benjamin's lap, his aunt placed a delicious oily plate of fried rice with lap cheong on his aching thighs.

Benjamin is thankful that his prayers were answered.

Benjamin is hateful at the American public for not voting for Nadia Turner which in turned, eliminated her from American Idol.

Benjamin's stomach is bulging from the excessive oil but he will not bulge from his wheely laptop chair to go anywhere but decides to stare at the leftover oily plate for now after he has blogged.)

Abrasions

It's my block leave now, just completed the 23 (32) km route march.

The journey was practically endless, stretching at incredible distances to deceive everyone.

All I know now is I'll be spending my few days of block leave nursing the freakin' big blisters on my foot (i'm limping like a leper).

The worst is that I have some rashes/abrasion around my balls/arse area.

I can't sit straight much less walk properly.

Not much in a mood or energy-ful to blog much ....

Scratching my groin as I blog,
Ben

Navex with pixs Galore

It's been a looooooooooooooong week.

Schedule of SOC, Navex, SOC and SEOC is a lil too hectic for me.

My shoulders are still in recovery mode & my legs are battered to its' brittle bones.

Will be resting (aka sleeping) for the remainder of my pathethic weekend.

A recap of the whole entire week first.

CRAP LOADS OF PHOTOS FOR YOUR VOEYURISTIC PLEASURE ........

Last Tuesday n Wednesday, there was an uncontrolled navigation exercise where we had to explore the depths of the jungles of Mandai & Marsilling.

I was grouped with the bunch of fellow cadets who are going to Artiliery.

Yay!

I'm really glad that I get to go to a new place with some of my best pals, especially Terence & Alvin.

Detail 13 - Future Arty Troopers

Back on track to the Navex, it was really shagedelic but fun.

Scenic shot - looks like we're at the Mekong river

Checkpoint Charlie - Frigging hard to find

My OCS buddies that kept me going throughout - HamHam & OnOn

Terence & Me

The full load on the shoulders was no joke. Getting lost and finding your way out was frustrating but it was a test of mental resilience and the urge to tear the hair out of the navigator who is leading the pack.

We got lost loads of time & only thru luck & chance did we oriented ourselves to the check-points.

The first exercise was EASY PEASY though we holland-ed and too shagged out. 75% completion but I was still satisfied nonetheless.

The 2nd exerise was held during the night. Moving around in the dark is eerie and espcially if you were me, who was at the back of the pack with TH, you feel like something is creeping on you.

Eerie.

But we conquered the night !!!

Random friendly ghost trying to scare wandering cadets

Our detail was the first to reach the end point. Go Arty bombers !

The final exercise in day 2 was 'siong'.

I didn't know Mandai/Macritchie area was so large and sparse.

Being the basher/forward man, I ate up uncountable number of spider webs and stumbled onto many potholes.

It took us 4 hours to reach the first checkpoint.

I was famished by the time I got there

The frigging MGR was wrong & the sun did us in. Fatigue brought us to new levels of just sitting by the murky stream and watch the mudskippers skip.

The second checkpoint was a godsend.

We have declared ourselves lost and dead tired.

Engery-less and no motivation to push on, Terence, Tian Hai & Michael's casual trip to the toilet turned out no so casual after all.

They found the 2nd checkpoint !!!!! Just by peeing at the right tree.

Advice to future navigators : Sometimes unzipping and aiming ur dick head to a general direction will make you find your way to certain things it wants to find.

2nd Checkpoint - Blowing the Moon

Wen Yao & Me - Garang navigators to the end of the earth

Glad it was all over when the horizon greyed and it was time to ship off to proper civilization.

It's only cool when you survive the ordeal

Shagged out & waiting for the lift to heaven

Thursday was Chemical Defence and I kinda chao keng.

The last time I wore the gas mask, no less than 10 mins later, all my mucus flowed freely and overflowed to the point where it become mucusy-drool.

Thank the heavens I don't have a pic of that.

Since I have to be a sai kang warrior, I had to go anyway. Some pixs:

Me & KS - Self-proclaimed Yan Dao Kia

Forcing KS to say I was the ORIGINAL Yan Dao Kia

Standard attire of officer cadets for dining out

Met James there, fellow SISPEC Echo warrior. Hoo Hah!

The closest I got to 'wearing' the gas mask

Even more bo liao /misc pictures in camp:

Auditioning as the next stripper for the new casino opening

Muscleman Wee & Me - I feel puny in his prescene

HardCore Colin & Me being goofy

Me wearing peak cap - Commissioning date: Oct 1st

Gay Ho (Ex Spade buddy), Me & HardCore Colin

Francis & Moi - Excursion to Bukit Chendu

Got my pay last week and splurge on a frameless specs that I've been eyeing for MONTHS.

Mr Fong aka best fren should know since he beat me to the punch, I've been wanting to look like an intellectual and getting the specs would give me that look at the very least.

If I'm not an intellectual being, at least god damn hell I look like one the very least. :P

Intellectual jailbird mugshot

Designer specs that comes with a dent in my wallet

Hope you enjoyed these photos, it was the most I could get before I'm leaving them soon for Artiliery.

Photosnappyhappy,
Benjamin

Back after the Break

This blog entry is long overdue.

I haven't blog for the past fortnight as I was too exhausted after all that exertions at camp.

FYI, I got appointed as a CPC, cadet platoon commander.

It's tough being a CPC, people look to you for directions and instructions and sometimes, I'm just simply clueless.

And I have to foresee what's upcoming and assure them (and myself) by second-guessing or making assumptions for now.

Being the CPC has its perks, since you arrow people to do sai kang.

I co-ordinate and maintain composure, and I guess I'm getting into the swing of the vine, accounting for strength and disseminating information.

Besides my upgrade of 'role' momentarily, I've survived countless field camps.

I've gone outfield so much that I can estimate one gallon of my blood being donated to those pesky mosquitoes and lifesuckers.

Glad to say I've survived through all the key events w/o dropping out !

I've 1.5 more weeks to go till the end of Service Term 2 and I can't help looking forward to the end of my tenure as CPC and the fact that .....

I'm getting out of SAFTI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!

No more expensive cab rides to the western horizon of Singapore.

FYI again, I have 99% confirmation that I'm getting a new vocation.

Yes, I'm gonna be an Artillery officer cadet in training.

That means no more chiong sua i.e. fire movement or digging trenches the size of basketball courts ANYMORE.

Countdown of 2 weeks and I can't wait for a new beginning honestly.

Reason why is that I just cannot form close bonds with the people in my platoon save for a few.

The guys in my platoon have formed such tight cliques that it's hard for me fit myself into the jigsaw.

Who knows, maybe I have a flaw in my personality that makes people snort about me behind my back.

Oh well.... what can I do about it.

At least my good pals Terence & Alvin is joining the new revolution of the artillery front with me.

I'm only hoping for 2 things:

1)More weekends to myself
2)More nights to devote to intellectual pursuits i.e. reading

People would say I chao keng and choosing the easy route out.

Honestly, all I just want is the 2 above because I believe I have done my part and contributed enuff to the organization as it is.

I feel that I deserve the needed respite if it comes in the form of another format and who knows, Artillery might be even more siong.

I'm just placing a gamble by choosing to go to a support arms wing where I really have no clue how tough the training regime is.

Hope for the best and closing my eyes for the worst.

On a look at the sphere of my personal life now, I feel that I've starting to lose ground with them.

Will call them up next for a catch-up session.

Also on the reality TV front, which I'm updating myself on Bittorrent files:

Survivor Palau: I admire Steph's strong guts and determination for pulling thru all 8 elimination legs. I really want her to win !!!!

And I foresee plotting and backstabbing ahead. Drama for me to absorb, my cup of tea.

Amazing Race 7: The brothers got eliminated. Damnnit. They are such a funky duo and it is such a pity. Not that I'm anti-foggies, but it's high time Meredith & Gretchen get eliminated, I cannot foresee them in the final 3.

American Idol: If I had to choose the winner, it would def be Nadia Turner. She has style, spunk and soul. Don't think she'll win as she's placed in the bottom 3 for the last 2eps. I want Constantine & Bo to be out, and yes I'm anti-rockers.

I've yet to catch up on my Desperate Housewives, The OC and Alias, and btw, I'm booking in on Monday.

Whoopie, a well-deserved rest.

Signing out,
CPC Benji

Spade, Shop n Shots

(Long photoblog.... I'm feelin' generous)

Some quibs of the happening of lil ol' me for the past few days or so:

In Army:

Went through Exercise Spade, which means dig a hole to bury 6 adults and then cover it up. Lame useless way of exerting unneccessary energy.

3 days straight with 3 hours of indecent sleep. I know. It's inhumane.

Out of Army:

Immediately after bookout, went home, changed and went to play mahjong at my bro's place.

Call me a maniac, but I didn't felt all that shagged considering the amount of winks I had.

I plonked out eventually at approx 4am to be awakened comfortable by a snugly blanket (ah heaven!) at 12 pm.

Lazed around the entire day with Xbox and PS2 before heading home at 11pm at nite to build more sandcastles.

Saturday (Today)

Tore myself out of bed to wash my dirty Army stuff which is sandy and gritty.

My SBO needed rescue and had to dismantle the whole damn bra.

Met up with Gareth, Jason, Chun Kiat, Farid and Daniel for lunch over at Far East.

Basically plonk ourselves on a window shopping tour for penniless peeps where we wandered from the North to South of Orchard.

Dispersing at Orchard Point, and later at Marina, I went on a shopping spree.

Alone.

Sue me.

I had to.

Too much money in the bank is no good for health.

Quoted by me. Copyrighted by me. Authenticated by me.

I went to buy more books ! Not that I will read it immediately due to lack of time.

I have amassed a great amount of books ever since I entered OCS, which is rather impressive considering I would NEVER buy books.

I try to convince myself the need for literay indulgence is due to the supressive need to whitewash out weekday activities of mundane conformity (aka stupidity).

I've suceeded so far.

A view of what my brain has been feeding or about to feed itself so far.

I'm ready to start my 2nd hand bookstore

Small note: My Dan Brown collection has been passed onto the endless links of the human chain.

Also note that I've yet to start reading books which I borrowed from Gwen, the mini 'Tuesdays with Morrie' which I heard is quite heart-felt and the Gargantulan book that inspired the book 'Lord of The Rings'.

In addition for my brain feeding activites, I've also stepped sideways to drop down the pothole of un-neccessity shopping.

Yes, it's called shopping for yourself (aka or your wants).

First off, I bought something which I needed.

A wallet. Because my old wallet's coin pouch had a large hole where coins keep plonking themselves out due to Mr Gravity.

As I was too lazy to stitch, I got a replacement.

Yes they are the same but I adore this range of wallets

Now the things that I wanted but not needed but still bought-ed (added the -ed becoz it had a nice ring to it-ed.)

You can go ahead and say it. Sigh and exclaim:

"Benjamin is such a shopping sucker who will drop his pants for anything he desires. You know the look especially when his eyes are glazed like sugary doughnuts and his knees are wobbly.'

Anyway, I got a pendant.

Straight as an arrow, sacrasm to the core

I needed to accessorize. And besides my sparkling sunnies & armband (yes, I ripped it from Benjamin Bratt from the TV series 'The OC'), I was basically naked.

BTW, I bought these 2 ^^^ long time ago okay .... and yes, I'm vain

Not naked per se but just felt empty and I needed more 'voice'.

I swear I can visualize images of people puking right now.

And inside my shopping cart too was a shirt from Topman.

Yes, I'm going thru this 'Grunge Intellectual Funky Punk' look right now. Have a current crave on white/black basic arty farty tees.

I'm a punk wannabe with the soul of a bookworm

Speaking of fashion, this month is having Singapore's Fashion Festival.

As a tribute of respect to the organizers, I have done what most Singaporeans wouldn't normally do at this time of day or even any time at all.

I arranged my wardrobe. Yessire.

From collar polos to jerseys, beach shorts to jeans and from shirts to tees.

My Pop bought me that Arsenal jersey thru a fren from London. How thoughtful!

An accomplishment of my own right. Call me lunatic. I'm organized. Sue me.

Oh since I was like in town the whole day, I kept bumping into people from various pasts of my life.

Finally met up with a long lost pal Yuen Keong whom I used to be closed to. So weird to see how far we have drifted apart from the awkwardness of our short convo.

All in all, it has been an awesome day for me.

I was bored during TAR7 rerun on AXN.

Muffled on the buzz of life,
Benjamin

Forte

Procrastination is my forte.

Military assignments are not even started yet.

Permanant ink words of 'I'm Screwed' are scribbled on my forehead.

Dead n shot,
Ben

Room-style

I find it peculiar how I lead my current lifestyle.

I'm a monochronatic obeying neat soldier by weekday and a ruffled-up straggler washed-up bedfellow by weekend.

It's like living in 2 extreme spectrums.

I seriously wonder how I do it.

My army bunk is kept in utmost pristine manner where dust cease to exist but my room is piled up with junk food, novels stacked anoynomously and random trinkets rattled everywhere from desk to floor.

Neat freak : Sloppy Hobo

Weird I tell ya, the days of my life.

Okay, I'm gonna whip my skinny arse back into shape and make my room more, um, like a room.

Gonna head out for a tan later with Gwen, not that I need to look any darker than now.

Life's full of irony,
Benjamin

Pyschology

Lately, my interest in pyschology has risen to newer heights.

I'm probing more on how people fear, think or react especially when I see some of my comrades making a silly mistake under pressure or when they override that wave.

My shopping weekend got me buying a textbook about pyschology.

I know. Who the hell buys textbooks when they don't need it?

I believe I got kinda hooked onto thrillers and mysteries and most of them fiddle onto the plot of the pyschic of the murderers or the victim.

Guess I'm a victim of pyschic exploration for now.

Just to note, I've read two fantastic novels

The Suspect by Michael Robotham & The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason

Money well spent I must say, only intellectual stimulation I can get while being placed in the regimental grinder.

Oh and speaking of which, I have two 'homework' of 'military planning' which I have to complete and I'm procrastinating it.

My thesis would be about procrastination if I ever want a permanant head damage.

Lately, I've been exploring my ownself too.

What type of individual I am and how I've grown up to be.

I'm an autonomous person with my own set of rules to lead my life. I don't set to achieve my benchmark of success on anybody's hopes except mine.

Which is to do well in terms of financial success and self-actualization need to be the best in my field.

Nobody tells me what to do, nobody tells me what I can do, but I will play around the boundaries and push them to the limits where explorable.

It's good to have some self-reflection of where I am once in a while.

Advertising vs Pyschology,
Hmmmmmmm

Freedom

The taste of freedom is a pint of Cookies n Cream Ice Cream from Swensens over Survivor on a Friday night without a care of how late I can sleep later.

Heaven.

Payday

Payday was due.

Hence, very busy. Shopping.

Have to rush back to camp now.

My mood is a damn satisfied shopper with grin as wide as the chesire cat.

Gotta go, will blog next week,
Benjamin

Thanxs 4 the support

Been spending the whole day slacking and writing the compulsory army journal.

Have to fill up the missing days with PR-filled crap about how I spent my day.

Anyway, this is just a short blog entry before I go off for my family dinner.

Anybody wanna go to a US-university seminar for prospective students?

A N Y O N E ?

I just wanna go take a look tommorrow at the rough costs involved and the cirriculum there.

I know the seminar cum exhibition is for 'A' level students held at Pan Pacific Hotel tommorrow at 11am onwards and I'm just a diploma holder.

I'm gonna be there early to scour for whatever tidbits of a uni student's lifestyle if I was ever to lead one.

There is a slight hint of possibility that I could end up there for a more developed education in terms of knowledge intensity if I choose to dig deep into my parents' CPF but have to pay them back much more when I work.

Anyway, for those who left a comment, responded or replied to me like Tiffi, Ivan and blog readers, a big thank you for yall.

Thanks for being a comforting ear or your piece of advice, it helps somewhat knowing that I have some support out there.

I will carry on despite the hardship.

I was on the brink of failure when I considered opting out.

Let's hope I never cross that line. Ever.

Sanguine and upbeat for now,
Benji

Breaking Down

Never in this world would I expect myself to meltdown.

But it has officially happened.

I just broke down mentally and just cried my tears out.

I guess there is a lot of stress that has been knotting up inside me and the only avenue of expression is either through telling my friends or blogging about it.

And it seems that isn't the solution as I still ended up breaking down.

Last Sunday, I was so stressed up doing my assignment of "Ops order" that when the printer failed to print, I blew up at my mother who was rushing me to eat my dinner.

To really sum up all the stress I'm feeling, I just poured out all to my father who was gracious enough to change his plans and fetch me to camp as I was rushing for time.

I never had such a heartfelt connection with my Dad before and I felt it was my first time being mano oh mano.

My father asked me to pull strong as I dried my tears, knowing that it was a week of suffering that I had to endure again.

On Monday morning (aka 4 am), there was a turnout which was physically strenuous.

I could take it physically.

But mentally inside, I was reflecting how bad a person I have changed through the days since I entered OCS.

Before I entered the stressed world of officer cadet training, I felt very happy-go lucky, had a sense of humour and feel that my shoulders were rather light and fluffy.

After about 2 months inside, I feel I have changed to another human being, totally devoid of my old 'self', the original 'Ben'- sacarstic, humourous and light-headed.

And I hated what I became and how I flared at my mom and I broke down again.

This time, in front of two strangers, my Platoon commander and section commander.

Least to say, it's a first for the books of Benjamin and I shared my problems with them.

They gave me comforting words and after intaking what they have to say, which was good advice btw, I decided to give it a try.

Cut more slack for myself, suck thumb and just endure the whole course.

One of the reasons why I'm staying is because both of them say I was one of the few better ones in the current batch.

Strong motivation there for me. Need to maintain and persevere.

So end decision, just 'endure' and 'loosen' up more.

Loosen up becoz I've turned into a virtual hermit, devoid of human laughter so I do need to blend in and mix around more.

That said, I'm not embarrassed to post about how I mentally broke down and cried.

I believe crying allows the relief of whatever tension that has been stored inside and it is a form of expression.

Apparently, keeping it all in was not a 'good' thing becoz I cracked and was very depressed and acted 'abnormally'.

So fuck off if you said I am a sissy or some emotional biatch that finally ranted thru tears.

Wow.

Sounds like I'm a deeply troubled person ay ? lol.

Anyway, the last few days damn shagged. Little sleep esp at field camp and this evening SOC is shaggedelic.

Holding a 10 kg Gun for 2 whole days on my shoulders and smelling like a sweaty hog isn't that comforting.

Time to catch up with the family this Saturday.

God only knows when I have decent time with them.

Until then,
Benjamin